Right! In that same alternate universe, Dubya's been busy making proclamations...
FLAG DAY 2004: PRESIDENTIAL PROCLAMATION ON THE SUPERIOR PATRIOTISM OF CONSERVATIVE PERSONS FLAUNTING GILDED AMERICAN FLAG LAPEL PINS
By the President of the United States of America
A Proclamation
THE PRESIDENT: For more than 200 years, the American flag has served as a symbol of our country's enduring FREEDOM® and unsurpassed affinity for loud color combinations and gaudy design. Indeed, whether streaming gallantly atop the electrified razorwire ramparts of a 1940's Japanese internment camp, or emblazoned on the business end of a guided missile plunging majestically through the roof of a suspicious Arabiac preschool, Old Glory represents all that is infallible about our exquisite Christian nation.
Each year on June 14, we honor the American flag and recall the adoption of our first official national flag by the Continental Congress in 1777. And though prior to 9/11TM, no Republican would ever be caught dead feminizing his Brooks Brothers suit with a faggy brooch, it can no longer be denied that the sassy American flag lapel pin has joined the venerable wedding band as the only jewelry any WASP can get away with wearing before his golf buddies start whistling at him in the country club showers. Verily, these patriotic baubles have in short order become so integral to the gratuitous broadcasting of one's self-serving jingoism, they have assumed a proud and prominent place in the wardrobes of all worthwhile Americans.
NOW, THEREFORE, I, GEORGE W. BUSH, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim June 14, 2004, to be renamed Flag Pin Day, and the week beginning June 13, 2004, as National Buy a U.S. Flag Lapel Pin Week. I direct the appropriate officials to flaunt flag pins on all jackets, coats, and blazers during that week, and I urge all Americans to observe Flag Pin Day and National Buy a U.S. Flag Lapel Pin Week by spending lavishly to acquire vast stockpiles of pins for adorning their garments with non-superficial, semi-precious proof of their unctuous pride in just happening to have been born in these magnificent United States.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twelfth day of June, in the year of America's Lord Jesus H. Christ two thousand four, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and twenty-eighth.
GEORGE W. BUSH
whitehouse.org |
