Dear God,
First of all, I want to say thanks for creating the earth and stuff. I mean, that was pretty cool... Did you really do all that in 6 days? Because if a day is measured by the earth's spin, then how did you know what a day was before you made the earth? Also, where are you, exactly? I'm in North America and heaven is up. If I go to Africa, will heaven be down? When a species becomes extinct, does that mean you changed your mind? If mankind is made in your image, then what image are turtles made from? When the people I love die, and they watch me from above, do they also see me doing bad things? Will I be in trouble when I meet them in heaven? If my mother hassles me for all of eternity for the things I did on earth, well, let's just say that will seem more like the other place... Is it possible to die in heaven -- I mean if I fall off a cliff or get hit by a bus or something? Would my soul just go to another level? If so, how many heavenly levels are there? Is each one harder to get to and is there a point to it all (like finding the Amulet of Yendor or maybe the Holy Grail that your son lost)?
Anyway, God, the reason I'm writing to you is to ask you for a favor. Please, please, please make a big company buy out LTXX. I'm not asking for much, just $12 per share. Also, a wave of insanity hit me earlier and I sold my CSCO shares. Foolish, I know. Please make the price go to $38 so I can buy them back, then make the stock price double the week after I buy them. I know you can do anything, so if this doesn't happen that can only mean you don't exist and I won't believe in you.
Faithfully yours,
Jeff Raihanan |
