Hawkeye John Kerry and Bambi's Dad
Actual Kerry quotation on hunting:
He was asked, after trapshooting in Holmen, what kind of hunting he preferred.
His answer, "Probably, I'd have to say deer. It's tough, depending on where you are. I go out with my trusty 12-gauge double barrel, crawl around on my stomach, I track and move and decoy and play games and try to out smart them. You know, kind of play the wind."
And now, a brief recounting of the tragic encounter between Hawkeye John Kerry and Bambi's Beloved Dad, Homer Deerson:
One fateful day, Bambi's beloved father, was out strolling through the forest. Little did he know this was the last day he'd wander through the spruce and fir and western red cedar of the beloved old-growth hardwood forest Homer called home.
Suddenly, far ahead through the trees he spied some new unfamiliar deer. Little did he know these were only the life-size deer decoys* Hawkeye John had set out. Eagerly Homer bounded ahead, oblivious in his excitement to the loud rustling sound of Hawkeye John crawling on his stomach through the dry leaf litter on the forest floor. So excited was he that he even ignored that scent on the wind that reminded him of that lanky French-looking guy who had challenged him to a game of baccarat** the day before. Homer hadn't fallen for that trick. Why, he was a deer! How would he have held the cards in his hooves? Silly French fool, Homer thought.
But then suddenly, Homer saw the deadly side-by-side barrels of Hawkeye John's trusty double-barrel. Homer realized he'd been outsmarted. One last "Doh!" and the double-barrel roared.
And now the stuffed head of Bambi's Dad hangs on the wall in the great hall of the Heinz-Kerry Idaho chalet. What hope was there for poor Homer, what with the woods lore craft Hawkeye John had picked up in the 'Nam?
*Hey, he said "decoy". And it's either true or he was babbling in public like a clueless fool, so let's pretend it's true.
**Just guessing here. Could have been belote. |
