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Pastimes : The Non-Political Joke Thread

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To: redfish who wrote (149)	7/26/2004 9:40:13 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Read Replies (1) of 1755

You might be a redneck if .... You think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi. You think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think TACO BELL is the Mexican Phone Company Your state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister. Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back. You got stopped by a state trooper. He asked you if you had an I.D. And you said, 'Bout What?' Non Athletic Sport Created Around Rednecks You think Genitalia is an Italian airline. Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction. If you can burp and say your name at the same time, you're shur'nuff a redneck. You think Possum is "The Other White Meat" You carried a fishing pole into Sea World. You hooked up with your present girlfriend as a result of a message on the wall of the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop. The centerpiece on your dining room table is an original signed work by a famous taxidermist. You think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels. Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed. You think safe sex is a padded headboard. You think subdivision is part of a math problem. You think there's nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family. Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen. You and your dog use the same tree. You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida. You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines." Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner. You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law. You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'. You think the OJ Trial was a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test. You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 8-tracks. You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay. Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she can't touch it until she's fourteen. Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed. The people on Jerry Springer's showremind you of your neighbors Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell." You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins, "For a good time time call..." You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took Your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She lernt to readin'. See what you guys started? :-)

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