NEWS: "Saudis Demand Cheney Make Bush Apologize for 9/11 Report"
By stcrispin
dailyhog.com
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia - Angered by what it regards as unfair Congressional criticism of its role in financing the September 11 hijackers, Saudi Arabia has dispatched its Foreign Minister, Prince Saud al-Faisal, to the United States to meet with Vice-president Dick Cheney to discuss requiring President Bush to make a formal apology. Prince Saud is bringing with him a document that purports to be the unredacted portions of the Congressional report, which apparently absolves the Saudi of all responsibility for the attacks.
The Saudis are outraged that news leaks about the secret portions of the Congressional report on the September 11 terrorist attacks have focused on their culpability in the deaths of thousands of Americans. "There are no terrorists in Saudi Arabia. Never!" claimed Saudi spokesperson Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf, formerly of the Iraqi Information Ministry. "These newspaper reporters will roast in hell for their lies about the benevolent Saudi people. Just because almost all of the hijackers were Saudi citizens who received millions of dollars through joint bank accounts they shared with the royal family and because the Saudi government rescued the family of fellow Saudi Osama bin Laden from America, these press jackals claim that the house of Saud supports terrorists. Utter nonsense! We deny this categorically and demand that this President Bush slaughter all villains who report such lies."
A high level source in the Vice-president’s office confirmed that Prince Saud himself telephoned to demand an immediate meeting with Mr. Cheney. "He was pretty hot under the turban. He kept shouting that they hadn’t given us the cover to go into Iraq in order to get their names in the papers. We’d probably have stiffed him if he hadn’t threatened to expel Halliburton from Saudi Arabia. So now he’s going to meet with Dick and then Dick’s going to have to take W to the woodshed, again."
The Saudi version of the Congressional report contains much information that is likely to be new to many people. Most Americans, for example, are probably unaware that the 15 Saudi hijackers were in fact undercover agents attempting to prevent the four others from carrying out their plot. "They were overwhelmed by their opponents at the last minute and thus failed in their efforts, but that that does not make them any less heroes," says the report. The report also makes clear that the Saudi government was as surprised as anyone to learn that the charitable organizations it sponsors, such as "Death to Israel Benevolent Association," "Pan-Arabian Society for the Preservation of Jihad," and "the al-Qaida Medical--Munitions Training Center," were open and notorious fronts for terrorist organizations. Perhaps most astonishing will be the disclosure that previously released redacted portions of the report referring to terrorist sponsorship by a despotic monarchy identified as XXXXX XXXXXX referred to North Dakota. According to Mr. al-Sahaf, the report as a whole makes clear that "The Saudi people are leaders in the war on terror. It’s just that it takes two sides to have a war."
Meanwhile, White House spin doctors began contacting reporters to confirm the importance of Saudi Arabia as a key ally in a turbulent part of the world. "They’ve got lots of oil, they don’t care how much you spill, and you don’t have to worry about filing an environmental impact statement about disrupting caribou migrations with your pipelines," said one insider. "It’s the Alaska of the future." |
