A little humor ...
Lunchroom Veterans For the Truth" Assail Kerry Life-Saving Claims as "Bogus"
We've all heard the story of how Senator John Kerry supposedly saved Senator Chic Hecht of Nevada from choking to death outside the Senate lunchroom by promptly applying the Heimlich maneuver. The mainstream media version goes something like this:
On July 12, 1988, Hecht was attending a weekly Republican luncheon when a piece of apple lodged firmly in his throat.
Hecht stumbled out of the room, thinking he might vomit but not wanting to do it in front of his colleagues. Sen. Kit Bond, R-Mo., thumped his back, but Hecht quickly passed out in the hallway.
Just then, Kerry stepped off an elevator, rushed to Hecht's side and gave him the Heimlich maneuver -- four times
"This man gave me my life," the 75-year-old Hecht said.
Hecht said he was amazed that Kerry acted so quickly -- some people were assuming that he was having a heart attack.
"He knew exactly what to do," he said. "But a lot of people know what to do. They just don't size up the situation immediately."
A group of Senate staffers calling themselves Lunch Room Veterans for the Truth has come forth to Martini Republic and assailed Kerry's version of events, claiming that Hecht "was in no danger whatsover," and asserting that "Kerry made the whole thing up to further his political ambitions."
"Kerry knew one day he'd run for President," said Trick O'Neal, a Republican staffer who was in the lunchroom at the time, "He wasn't choking at all. Chic just had a tickle in his throat, that's all, and Kerry has blown the whole thing into some kind of heroic deal. I was just 50 yards away, and Kerry's version isn't the same as my recollection now, 16 years later. As I recall it, Kerry ran away because he was afraid to perform the Heimlich, and Chic wasn't in any danger because he wasn't choking anyway." Another member of the Lunch Room Veterans group said, "I didn't actually see it, but that's what all the other Republican staffers said. What more do you need to rebut the hearsay of some guy whose life was actually saved? Kerry is totally unfit to perform a Heimlich."
Hecht responded, "He said I wasn't choking? That Kerry ran away? That man is out of his mind. They're both lying. I was going to die; I would have died, had John Kerry not saved my life. I was there -- I couldn't breath at all. I'm still grateful to John after all these years."
Cyrus Smeer, the Lunch Room Veterans head, jeered at the claim that Kerry's prompt performance of the Heimlich maneuver had anything to do with Hecht's life being saved. "So the guy was coughing a little bit, rolling on the floor, and turning blue. Does that mean Kerry saved his life? It's disgraceful for Kerry to make that kind of claim. How could a little chunk of apple kill a strong, virile guy like Chic Hecht? If there even was a little chunk of apple. I couldn't see it from my table, which was only 50 yards away. And if he was choking on a piece of apple, how come they didn't find the piece of apple? Answer that."
"Smeer is a moron," insisted Hecht, "he wasn't there. Dr. Heimlich, the guy who invented the maneuver, said another 30 seconds without Kerry's intervention, and I might have been a vegetable. Of course if I was Smeer, no one would notice. This is a despicable and dishonorable smear. As a lifelong Republican, these people disgust me."
When asked for comment, a smirking Bush administration spokesman issued a statement, "the Bush administration does not question Kerry's heimliching record, and was not involved in the production of that ad. If you know what I mean wink, wink, nudge, nudge."
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