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Politics : Stockman Scott's Political Debate Porch
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To: techguerrilla who wrote (53681)8/20/2004 3:54:48 AM
From: elpolvo  Read Replies (3) of 89467
 
Republican National Convention Schedule: Revised, August 2004

6:00 pm - Opening prayer

6:15pm - Supplementary opening prayer

6:30pm - Prayer in thanks of first two prayers

6:45pm - Opening remarks by Arnold Swarzenegger and Why Foreign-Born Nationals Should be Allowed to Serve as President

7:00pm - Canonization of Ronald Reagan

7:15pm - Tax Cuts and You (okay, maybe not you exactly but it would be you if you had a net worth in excess of $200 million)

7:30pm - New energy policy presented by Exxon

8:00pm - Prayer for the safety and well-being of Ken "Kenny-boy" Lay

8:15pm - Halliburton - "How to Capitalize on the Iraq War"

8:30pm - New healthcare polices presented by HMO leader, Kaiser Permanente

8:45pm - New forestry policy presented by Weyerhauser

9:00pm - Stoning of the first homosexual

9:15pm - New Welfare Reform Demonstrated- Electro-Shock Therapy Administered to Three Welfare Mothers

9:45pm - Cheney runs into Ron Reagan, Jr., tells him to go #$%& himself

10:00pm - Invasion of either Iran or North Korea (TBA) (Cuba may be a last-minute substitute)

10:15pm - Tom Delay announces plans for redistricting the 50 states of the Union into one Republican controlled district, tentatively named, "Reaganopolis".

10:30pm - Burning at the stake of 16 year-old Jenny Williams, who had an illegal abortion after being raped by her cousin

10:45pm - Billy Graham, Jr. on why Christianity is better than all the other religions.

11:00pm - Huge Outdoor Bonfire - please bring any and all copies of Michael Moore's books or movies and any and all records and/or CDs by Linda Ronstadt

11:15pm - Slide Show of naked Iraqi prisoners (parental discretion advised but still, a lot of fun!)

11:45pm - Thanking God for his wisdom in choosing Bush as president

12:00pm - Closing prayers (lasting until 2:00am)

2:00 am - Female delegates are sent home for "much needed rest". Hookers arrive for all the male delegates
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