John Kerry: Reporting for Stupidity
by Dustin Hawkins
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
John Kerry has finally settled on a position, sort of. Kerry informed us during the first presidential debate that he has had one clear and consistent stance on Iraq all along. This came as a big surprise to anyone actually watching the debate, because none of us had any clue at all. I had infiltrated a ''debate party'' hosted by local Democrats and even they seemed stunned to discover this.
John Kerry’s newest answer is that Hussein was evil and should have been taken down, just not by force. Although he voted for force, he never thought anyone would actually use it. Kerry essentially stated that if he were president he would have held multinational tea parties until Hussein decided to peacefully remove himself upon coming to the conclusion that we meant business. The threat of force would be used only as a tactic for convincing the enemy that we did mean business.
And for the record, Mr. Kerry, it is probably unwise to show your hand to the enemy. But if you are elected president, terrorists will now know that anytime you mention the use of force you are only doing so as a method of persuasion. If this is how you are going to run your foreign policy, it probably is not a great tactic to broadcast it for everyone. The next time Kim Jong-il hears you threaten force all he has to do is rewind that debate tape where you say your strategy is to merely threaten force, but never use it. If the ''W'' stands for wrong then the ''F'' stands for foolish.
Kerry also added that Iraq was not an important enemy in the War on Terror, an astonishing assessment considering the thousands of terrorists who are ''flooding over the border'' into Iraq. To have such a large number of outside terrorists fighting in a country of little or no importance in the War on Terror is a fascinating development. We are obvioulsy wasting our time. After all, Osama is still running around in the mountains (quick, divert the troops!).
After stealing Jimmy Carter’s copy of ''Foreign Policy for Dummies,'' Kerry decided to take the wise strategy of calling our allies names. Great Britain? Worthless. Australia? Coerced. South Korea? Confused. Italy? Meaningless. The leader of Iraq? A stooge. This is what Kerry considers ''coalition-building.'' Complaining about the allies we do have while praising the ones who are doing nothing is Kerry's idea of ''leadership.'' Estonia, Moldova, and Tonga have provided more troop support than his beloved France ever will, and Kerry thanks them by throwing egg in their faces. But because learders of Azerbaijan surprisingly cannot commit the number of troops and equipment that the United States does, we should throw them under the bus.
But oddly, while there is not enough of a coalition in Iraq, there is too much of a coalition dealing with North Korea. Kerry would exchange the talks that now include China, Japan, Russia, and South Korea for talks that only include the United States. This was a strategy used by Clinton that obviously failed. But then, maybe Kerry will send Jimmy Carter on yet another useless mission. No word on whether ending multilateral talks would pass Kerry’s ''global test.'' If the talks fail, maybe Kerry will threaten force. (Wink, wink.)
Aside from constantly demeaning our allies, criticizing our troops, and conceding defeat to terrorists, the Democrats have also jumped on the conspiracy theory train. They whisper that unbeknownst to millions of young men and women, Bush is planning a back door draft, a side door draft, a front door draft, and elevator drafts. This time even women and college kids will be included.
To date, Bush has said there will never be a draft and that the military would remain voluntary, Rumsfeld stated that he thinks a draft would ruin the military, and every Republican of any importance has balked at the idea of one. Liberal Democrats have drafted the only bills regarding a draft and liberal Democrats are the ones who are constantly pushing one. This leads to the obvious conclusion that Bush wants there to be a draft. Even MTV has jumped on the draft-wagon. A recently aired television ad informs us that this election will determine whether or not there will be a draft. Bush says no draft, liberals say yes to the draft, and Bush gets accused of wanting a draft. The cycle of violence never ends.
Kerry may be a good debater, but his foreign policy sucks. He criticizes our troops' efforts and our allies’ assistance. He ridicules the progress made by the Iraqis and attacks their leader. Prime Minister Allawi has enough to deal with without having to worry about a presidential wannabe who calls him a puppet. He complains that we are training too many Iraqi troops when we lack policemen at home, but then complains that we are not training enough of their troops. He wants to kick nations out of the talks with North Korea and handle the talks unilaterally, a strategy that has failed over and over.
Kerry says he has a plan for Iraq. But it is the wrong plan, at the wrong time, and in the wrong place. Especially since we are fighting the right war, at the right time, and in the right place. |
