JOHN KERRY's RESUME
JOB APPLICATION
NAME: JOHN KERRY
RESIDENCE: 7 mansions, including one in Washington DC, worth
multi-millions. I served in Vietnam (four months).
EXPERIENCE: Law Enforcement. In my career as a U.S. Senator, I've voted to
cut every law enforcement, CIA, and Defense bill. I ordered the city of
Boston to remove a fire hydrant in front of my mansion, thereby endangering
my neighbors in the event of fire. I served in Vietnam (four months).
MILITARY: I served in Vietnam (four months). I used three minor injuries
to get an early discharge from the military and service in Vietnam (as
documented by the attending doctor). I served in Vietnam (four months). I
then returned to the U.S., joined Jane Fonda in protesting the war, and
insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they committed atrocities and were
baby killers. The actions of myself and the other protestors resulted in
increased casualties for American troops and the subsequent murder of more
than one million South Vietnamese when the resulting political pressure
ended in our withdrawal from Vietnam. I served in Vietnam (four months). I
threw my medals, ribbons, or something away in protest. Or did I? My book
"Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier", shows how I truly feel
about the military. I served in Vietnam (four months).
COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike
President Bush, I have no post-graduate education, nor did I get admitted to
Harvard or graduate with an M.B.A.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: After College and Vietnam, I ran for the U.S.
Congress and have been there ever since. I have no real world experience
except marrying very rich women and running their companies vicariously
through them. I served in Vietnam (four months).
ACCOMPLISHMENTS: As a U.S. Senator I set the record for the most liberal
voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton. I have
consistently failed to support our military and CIA by voting against their
budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend itself. Although I
voted for the invasion of Iraq, now I am against it and refuse to admit that
I voted for it. I voted for every liberal piece of legislation. I have no
plan to help this country but I intend to raise taxes significantly if I am
elected. I served in Vietnam (four months).
My wealth so far exceeds that of President George Bush that he will never
catch up. I make little or no charitable contributions and have never
agreed to pay any voluntary excess taxes in Massachusetts, despite family
wealth in excess of $ 700 million. I served in Vietnam (four months).
I (we) own 28 manufacturing plants (Heinz) outside of the U.S. in places
like Asia, Mexico and Europe. We can make more profit from the cheaper cost
of labor in those Countries, although I blame President Bush for sending
jobs out of the Country. I served in Vietnam (four months). Although I
claim to be in favor of alternative energy sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose
windmills off Nantucket and Martha's Vineyard as it might spoil our view of
the ocean as we cruise on our yachts. I served in Vietnam (four months).
RECORDS AND REFERENCES: None. However, I served in Vietnam (four months).
PERSONAL: I practice my Catholic faith whenever cameras are present. I
ride a Serotta Bike. I love to ski/snowboard. I call my $80-plus million
Gulfstream V Jet the "Flying Squirrel." I call my $850,000 42-foot Hinckley
twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche." I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and
feel it reflects our real culture. I own several large SUVs including one
parked at my Nantucket summer mansion, though I say I am against large,
polluting, inefficient vehicles and blame President Bush for our energy
problems. I served in Vietnam (four months).
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING ON TUESDAY. |
