For Sioux,Karin and all of you out there who found this election deplorable...
>
> Concession Speech
> [Former candidate Felber, flanked by his family and supporters, steps up
> to the podium in the bright autumn sunlight. Cheers and applause are heard.]
>
> My fellow Americans, the people of this nation have spoken, and spoken with
a clear voice. So I am here to offer my concession. [Boos, groans, rending
of garments]
>
> I concede that I overestimated the intelligence of the American people.
> Though the people disagree with the President on almost every issue, you
> saw fit to vote for him. I never saw that coming. That's really special. And
> I mean "special" in the sense that we use it to describe those kids who
> ride the short school bus and find ways to injure themselves while eating
> pudding with rubber spoons. That kind of special.
>
> I concede that I misjudged the power of hate. That's pretty powerful
> stuff, and I didn't see it. So let me take a moment to congratulate the
> President's strategists: Putting the gay marriage amendments on the ballot
in
> various swing states like Ohio... well, that was just genius. Genius. It got
> people, a certain kind of people, to the polls. The unprecedented number of
> folks who showed up and cited "moral values" as their biggest issue, those
> people changed history. The folks who consider same sex marriage a more
> important issue than war, or terrorism, or the economy... Who'd have
thought the
> election would belong to them? Well, Karl Rove did. Gotta give it up to
> him for that. [Boos.] Now, now. Credit where it's due.
>
> I concede that I put too much faith in America's youth. With 8 out of 10
> of you opposing the President, with your friends and classmates dying daily
> in a war you disapprove of, with your future being mortgaged to pay for
> rich old peoples' tax breaks, you somehow managed to sit on your asses and
> watch the Cartoon Network while aging homophobic hillbillies carried the
day.
> You voted with the exact same anemic percentage that you did in 2000. You
> suck. Seriously, y'do. [Cheers, applause] Thank you. Thank you very much.
>
> There are some who would say that I sound bitter, that now is the time
> for healing, to bring the nation together. Let me tell you a little story.
> Last night, I watched the returns come in with some friends here in Los
> Angeles. As the night progressed, people began to talk half-seriously about
> secession, a red state/blue state split. The reasoning was this: We in
> blue states produce the vast majority of the wealth in this country and
> pay the most taxes, and you in the red states receive the majority of the
> money from those taxes while complaining about 'em. We in the blue states
are
> the only ones who've been attacked by foreign terrorists, yet you in the red
> states are gung ho to fight a war in our name. We in the blue states
> produce the entertainment that you consume so greedily each day, while you
in
> the red states show open disdain for us and our values. Blue state
civilians
> are the actual victims and targets of the war on terror, while red state
> civilians are the ones standing behind us and yelling "Oh, yeah!? Bring
> it on!"
>
> More than 40% of you Bush voters still believe that Saddam Hussein had
> something to do with 9/11. I'm impressed by that, truly I am. Your sons
> and daughters who might die in this war know it's not true, the people in
> the urban centers where al Qaeda wants to attack know it's not true, but
> those of you who are at practically no risk believe this easy lie because
you
> can. As part of my concession speech, let me say that I really envy that
> luxury. I concede that.
>
> Healing? We, the people at risk from terrorists, the people who subsidize
> you, the people who speak in glowing and respectful terms about the
> heartland of America while that heartland insults and excoriates us...
> we wanted some healing. We spoke loud and clear. And you refused to give it
> to us, largely because of your high moral values. You knew better: America
> doesn't need its allies, doesn't need to share the burden, doesn't need
> to unite the world, doesn't need to provide for its future. Hell no. Not
> when it's got a human shield of pointy-headed, atheistic, unconfrontational
> breadwinners who are willing to pay the bills and play nice in the vain
> hope of winning a vote that we can never have. Because we're "morally
> inferior," I suppose, we are supposed to respect your values while you
insult ours.
> And the big joke here is that for 20 years, we've done just that.
>
> It's not a "ha-ha" funny joke, I realize, but it's a joke all the same.
> Being an independent candidate gives me one luxury - as well as conceding
> the election today, I am also announcing my candidacy for President in
> 2008. [Wild applause, screams, chants of "Fel-ber! Fel-ber!] Thank you.
>
> And I make this pledge to you today: THIS time, next time, there will be
> no pandering. This time I will run with all the open and joking contempt
> for my opponents that our President demonstrated towards the cradle of
liberty,
> the Ivy League intellectuals, the "media elite," and the "white-wine
> sippers." This time I will not pretend that the simple folk of America
know just
> as much as the people who devote their lives to serving and studying the
> nation and the world. They don't.
>
> So that's why I'm asking for your vote in 2008, America. I'm talking to
> you, you ignorant, slack-jawed yokels, you bible-thumping, inbred drones,
you
> redneck, racist, chest-thumping, perennially duped grade-school grads.
> Vote for me, because I know better, and I truly believe that I can help your
> smug, sorry asses. Vote Felber in '08! Thank you, and may God, if he
> does in fact exist, bless each and every one of you.
>
> [Tumultuous cheers, applause, and foot-stomping. PULL BACK to reveal the
> rest of the stage, the row of cameras, hundreds of unoccupied chairs,
> and the empty field beyond.]
>
>
> |
