canoe.ca
Memo to: The Unhappy States of America.
Re: Your application for adoption by Canada.
Thank you for your interest in becoming us.
I'm pleased to say that during a regular meeting of all Canadians held at Tim Hortons doughnut shops last night, almost everyone in our country voted in favour of your wish to "cede" to us -- some thought that word may be sexual, others were still upset about that whole War of 1812 thing, and at least a half a dozen ballots were ruined when coffee was spilled pulling out of the drive-through.
...
Actually I like the Toronto Sun article better <vbg> (see below)
ST
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Can't beat Bush? Join Canada!
Let us be perfectly clear: We do not believe U.S. Presdient George Bush's re-election is a bad thing; on the contrary, we think it's good for Canada and the world.
We're optimistic about Canada-U.S. relations warming up, and pleased to see that Prime Minister Paul Martin agrees -- he could help matters by tossing Mississauga's anti-American bigmouth Carolyn Parrish from his caucus.
We think the so-called great divide in America over this week's election has been greatly exaggerated, and we trust and hope that the nation will come together as it always has.
But with all that said, if a signifcant number of Americans should choose to go a different route -- a northern route -- we'd be hard pressed to say no.
And if such great states as New York, California, Washington, Pennsylvania and Hawaii actually wanted to become Canadian provinces, well, who are we to argue?
Yesterday, Howard Gensler of the Philadelphia Daily News brilliantly argued exactly that, in an eloquent call for the so-called "blue states" -- i.e., all those that backed Democrat John Kerry -- to join Canada.
Yes, join Canada -- not annex us. We'd annex them. The blue states are all contiguous to our border and/or to one another, so the new border could be smoothly drawn.
The blue-staters would gain acceptance for their more liberal views here in the land of free health care and soon-to-be-legal gay marriage and marijuana. And we'd get New York City, Los Angeles, California wine country, a host of world-class cultural institutions and a raft of great sports teams (the Grey Cup would never be the same).
Again, to be clear, this is not an anti-American thing. This idea comes from an American, from Philadelphia, the birthplace of America, for crying out loud.
We would remind the would-be immigrants, though, that they'd also better be prepared to live with higher taxes, gun control, bilingualism and no Fox News.
Then again, as Kerry supporters, they probably think those are all good things. And hey, with an additional 50-odd million people, our economy can only get better. Not to mention our military and our business sector.
We'd have freer movement of softwood lumber and cattle, and Toronto could trash in Michigan without worrying about the border closing. And we'd be a superpower!
We'd miss our friends in the American South, of course, and Florida -- but we'd still visit as always.
After our vacation in the province of Hawaii, of course.
Honestly, with an offer like that, how could we refuse?
And another thing ...
Bravo to the Ontario Court of Appeal, which yesterday increased the "unfit" jail sentence for two abusive Blackstock parents who caged their two little boys for years. They'll now serve four and five years, not nine months -- though we agree with the Crown that eight years would have been better. |
