Cult Closed By Omniscient Tuber
Dimethaid investors (AKA "The Cult") have been vanquished. In a series of derogatory messages over several years, the Fulminating Fritter subjected cult members to withering criticism, which resulted in scores of investors leaving the stock.
Once exhumed, He was vehement in claiming that Pennsaid would be harmful and useless, and unforgiving in His condemnation of WF10. He relentlessly attacked cult members, routinely interrupting discussions with scathing denunciations.
At cult HQ, members attended a final meeting where they returned hooded cloaks, masks and secret decoder rings.
While some were saddened, others claimed the many-eyed spud had seen and spoken The Real Truth.
When questioned about her beliefs, one cultist gasped, "What vision! All this time, I was believing those scientists, but He showed me The Way. Thank you, russett! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"
Others angrily disagreed.
"He ruined everything. That seedy spud was a blight."
In background, an anonymous cult leader said,
"I yam disappointed. We were just small potatoes to Him."
In a final vote, cultists voted overwhelmingly to dissolve the once-proud membership.
"278 for, 17 against... the eyes have it!"
Will He be the new object of trust and belief, embraced by once-faithful Dimethaid cultists? Will the Gospel According to Russett be victorious? Is He The Real Thing, or just j**kin' off?
Stay tuned for the next installment of The Dirtbound Deity. 'Cause he'll be back, folks. Count on it.
Jim |
