Signs on Synagogue Bulletin Board:
Under same management for over 5765 years.
Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.
What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand?
Shul committees should be made up of three members, two of whom should be
absent at every meeting.
My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty.
They sent her home. She insisted SHE was guilty.
Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white
bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
It was mealtime during a flight on El-Al.
"Would you like dinner?," the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in
front."What are my choices?," Moshe asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the
local
hospital. A nurse tucks him into bed and says, "Mr. Epstein, are
you comfortable?" Epstein replies, "Well, I make a living...."
A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper
from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck."
At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, "I have known many
people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this
week I received a letter from someone who signed his name.... and forgot
to write a letter.
Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in
the
restaurant, one takes a deep breath and gives a long, slow "oy."
The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy."
The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently, "Girls, I thought we
agreed that we weren't going to talk about our children." |
