Subject: Just so we get this straight...
Dear President Bush,
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I
have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would
propose
and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage.
As you said "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a
woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.
When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I
simply remind them that Leviticus18:22 clearly states it to be an
abomination... End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements
of God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male
and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend
of
mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can
you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in
Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair
price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she
is
in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem
is
how
do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it
creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my
neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I
smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.
Exodus
35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
to
kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is
an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
homosexuality.
I
don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of
abomination?
7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God
if I
have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading
glasses.
Does
my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including
the
hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by
Lev.19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead
pig
makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing
garments
made
of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).
He
also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that
we
go
to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?
Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family
affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev.
20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can
help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.
In Jesus name,
Consolidated Dumbasses of
Amer________________________________________________________________________ |
