Best of the Web Today - November 17, 2004
By JAMES TARANTO
How Do You Spell 'Relief'?
President Bush has appointed Margaret Spellings, a White House domestic-policy adviser, to be secretary of education. During the press conference announcing the appointment, Spellings said, "I am joined today . . . by my husband, Robert." Were we ever relieved to learn she was married. The Education Department is the last place you want to find Miss Spellings.
Speaking of which, check out this Reuters headline about another cabinet appointment: "Bush Names Confidante Rice as Secretary of State."
C'mon, guys, we know "Condoleezza" is tough to spell, but this is ridiculous!
Metaphor Alert
Sen. Arlen Specter, a liberal Pennsylvania Republican, is in line to be the next chairman of the Judiciary Committee, but pro-lifers are trying to scotch his nomination owing to a postelection comment he made to the effect that judges who oppose Roe v. Wade won't get through the Senate.
Yesterday top Senate Republicans met with Specter, who emerged and told the Associated Press, "I'm not making any predictions. As I've said many times, I never count any chickens before they're hatched, and [I'm] leaving no stone unturned." The reference to chickens was doubtless a play for the sympathy of the current Judiciary chairman, former egg salesman Orrin Hatch, who finally cracked and agreed to back the Pennsylvanian.
Still, we're not sure Specter is out of the woods yet. He may be putting the cart before the horse. After all, in this dog-eat-dog world, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
It's Catching On
The idea was born in this column in Jan. 2003, though we didn't name it the Roe effect until later. In the wake of President Bush's re-election, it's catching on. Creative Loafing Atlanta, an "alternative" weekly newspaper, features an interview with Ed Larson, a University of Georgia historian, who argues that religious people have an evolutionary advantage:
Who are the people having kids today? Immigrants, yes. That's one group. But among white, middle-class Americans, religious people are having children at a much higher rate. More and more and more children percentage-wise than non-religious people. There's a survival value in religious beliefs. They have a sense of purpose. They feel their mission in life is to multiply and be fruitful. The whole Darwinian concept--evolution--is on the side of evangelical Christians. They're growing by any measure.
National Public Radio's Eric Weiner has a report that makes the same point, relying largely on the work of Phillip Longman, author of "The Empty Cradle." Says Weiner: "Longman offers no specific advice for liberals about how to close the fertility gap, but if they don't know how to go about that, well, their problems probably extend well beyond the world of politics."
Florida 2000 Nostalgia
History repeats itself, as Karl Marx observed, first as tragedy, then as farce. In the farce of 2004, the Libertarian and Green parties have raised enough money to pay for a statewide recount of presidential ballots in Ohio. "The recount would be conducted after the election results are certified in early December," reports the Associated Press.
There's no chance that it'll change the outcome in Ohio, where President Bush won by some 136,000 votes; in Florida four years ago, even multiple recounts by partisan officials in heavily Democratic counties were able to generate no more than 1,500 votes for Al Gore. The Washington Post reports even an aide to John Kerry "is rolling his eyes" when discussing conspiracy theories about a stolen election.
But the 2004 election isn't settled everywhere. In Washington state, reports the Associated Press, Dino Rossi, the Republican candidate for governor, led Democrat Christine Gregoire by 19 votes as of last night. Some 6,000 votes had yet to be counted, with a deadline of 5 p.m. today (8 EST) for counties to certify their results. "If the margin of victory is less than 2,000 votes, state law requires an automatic recount. If the margin drops below 150 votes, there will be a hand recount. Of the six statewide recounts since 1968, none changed the outcome of an election."
And the New York Times reports that the governor's race in Puerto Rico also remains unsettled:
A recount is all but certain in the race for governor here, after the Election Night tally gave Anibal Acevedo Vilá, the candidate who favors keeping the island's commonwealth status, a margin of just 3,880 votes. But the process will not start until December, and come Christmas--even New Year's, some predict--Puerto Ricans may still be guessing who their next governor will be.
Blame Puerto Rican election law, which requires an "escrutinio," or review of vote summaries from each precinct, before an official recount of the roughly two million paper ballots cast on Nov. 2. Hundreds of officials from the island's election commission and its three major parties are submerged in that task, while Mr. Acevedo Vilá forges ahead as the presumed victor and Pedro Rosselló, the pro-statehood candidate, protests. The officials are also checking the validity of about 30,000 ballots that did not make the initial count, a slow process that sometimes involves determining voter intent.
Three House seats also remain undecided. In two Louisiana races, no candidate received a majority on Nov. 2, setting up Dec. 4 runoffs between the top two finishers under the Pelican State's unique voting system (in both cases, a GOP candidate finished first and a Democrat second). And in Buffalo, N.Y., reports the Times, the race for the 27th District, being vacated by Republican Jack Quinn, remains too close to call, though Democrat Brian Higgins has a lead over Republican Nancy Naples.
The Canadian Threat
From a column by Thomas Walkom in the Toronto Star:
When U.S. President George W. Bush arrives in Ottawa--probably later this year--should he be welcomed? Or should he be charged with war crimes?
It's an interesting question. On the face of it, Bush seems a perfect candidate for prosecution under Canada's Crimes against Humanity and War Crimes Act.
Granted, this is just one nutty newspaper columnist, but we hope the Pentagon has a plan for regime change in Canada--just in case President Cheney ends up having to liberate his predecessor.
Crossways--II
Yesterday we noted that one Patty Sommer, a self-described antiwar Catholic from Wisconsin, was objecting to a photo of a "soldier with the rosary hanging off his or her gun." This brought a comment from reader Richard Whitlock, a captain in the Texas Army National Guard:
I'm tired of people saying "hanging off of his gun" like it's dangling from a peashooter. The weapon system that the rosary is hanging off of us none other than a M242 25-millimeter Bushmaster, the primary direct-fire armament of the M2 Bradley, and it is technically a "cannon" and not a "gun."
In fact, the totally appalled lady you so hilariously quoted is totally missing the point in that the rosary was still hanging off the cannon, meaning the weapon hadn't been shot yet despite probably many chances to do so. The recoil from firing would have sent that rosary flying, meaning the photo shows that the careless/heartless/whatever soldier had actually decided to preserve life, not take it.
MuslimWakeup.com also apparently took offense, saying, "it's at least understandable why some Muslims don't fully believe that this is not a war on Islam."
Fatah: Tell Us Why Arafat Died
Yasser Arafat's Fatah movement "rejected holding presidential elections before the causes of Arafat's illness and death are revealed," reports United Press International. "A statement said the mainstream movement in the Palestine Liberation Organization will boycott elections to select a successor for Arafat unless the cause of death is released." Agence France-Presse reports that "a Palestinian delegation is to head to Paris in the coming days to ask the French authorities for the medical report into the death of Yasser Arafat."
The Jerusalem Post reports that according to the French newspaper Le Monde, "Arafat suffered from cirrhosis--widespread disruption of normal liver structure usually caused by alcohol abuse--although he was 'a true water drinker.' " But the Le Monde report attributes this information to Le Canard Enchaîné, a Journal satirique--though AFP in turn describes Le Canard as "generally well-informed."
In a letter to the editor of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, Allegheny County Coroner Cyril Wecht endorses a different theory:
I find it quite interesting that this disease process has not been discussed more fully by international news media agencies. Would the same curtain of silence have been drawn if some other world political figure had died under identical circumstances?
Evidently, cancer, liver or kidney failure, heart or lung disease, systemic infection and hypertensive cerebral hemorrhage were all ruled out. From the perspective of a clinical-pathological differential diagnosis, the most likely diagnosis is AIDS.
Arafat is in stable condition after dying in a Paris hospital.
Arafat's Amen Corner
Pat Buchanan weighs in with a defense of Yasser Arafat against Boston Globe columnist Jeff Jacoby:
If, as Jacoby writes, Arafat "inculcated the vilest culture of Jew-hatred since the Third Reich," why did Ehud Barak offer him 95 percent of the West Bank and a capital in Jerusalem? Why did "Bibi" Netanyahu give him Hebron?
Why did Shimon Peres and Yitzhak Rabin share a Nobel Prize with him? Why did Bill Clinton invite him to the White House more times than any other leader? Were they all enablers of terrorism?
No.
Actually, the answer is yes--but Buchanan fails to acknowledge it even after the fact.
Reuterville Movie Reviews
A Reuters dispatch on Time magazine's "person" of the year notes that among those under consideration are Mel Gibson and Michael Moore:
Gibson was proposed for directing "The Passion of the Christ," a controversial film seen by many as anti-Semitic. Moore made "Fahrenheit 9/11," a film highly critical of the Bush administration which was a huge box office hit.
According to RottenTomatoes.com, the box-office take from "Fahrenheit" is just over $119 million, less than one-third the $370 million "Passion" has made. Yet the "news" service describes "Fahrenheit" as the "huge box office hit" and says nothing about what critics have said about it.
Eat Smart!
"PETA Campaign Pitches Fish as Smart"--headline, Associated Press, Nov. 16
"DNR Research Shows Fish Are Okay to Eat"--headline, Radio Iowa Web site, Nov. 16
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And What of the Seeker?
"Hip-Hopper Punched at Awards; Puncher Stabbed; Stabber Sought"--headline, Arizona Republic (Phoenix), Nov. 17
Dear John--II
Yesterday we noted that the World Toilet Organization is holding its World Toilet Summit in Beijing starting today. Turns out Dave Barry had already written a column about this, and as usual it's quite funny:
For all the flaws of our public toilets, they stand head (har!) and shoulders above those of much of the rest of the world. In parts of Europe, when you enter a public restroom, you often find yourself face to face with some hideous dripping slime-covered contraption originally built by Vikings out of petrified mastodon bones. And as if that's not scary enough, sometimes there's a lurking "attendant" who might belong to a completely different gender from yourself, and who expects you to tip her even though it's clear that neither she nor anybody else has ever actually cleaned the restroom, as evidenced by the presence of bacteria the size of wolverines.
But at least your European restroom contains some form of toilet. In other parts of the world, all you find is a hole in the floor, as if the toilet has been stolen by commode rustlers. Sometimes there isn't even a hole. Once, while visiting a zoo in China, I asked where the restroom was, and I was directed to: a wall. On one side of this wall were large exotic animals doing their business right out in the open; on the other side were zoo visitors doing exactly the same thing. To this day, unfortunately, this is the image that comes to my mind whenever I hear the words "Great Wall of China."
Urinal.net--yes, there's actually a whole Web site devoted to the Stehpinkler--has a photo of some fixtures in the men's room at the Beijing Language and Culture University. "The urinals . . . are modern, by American Standard, with motion-detector flush mechanisms," the site notes. But "they are also in full open view of the 2nd and higher floors of the library, visible outside the large facing window."
Now we know why the Chinese capital used to be called Peeking.
The Bigger They Are, the Harder the Fall
The Associated Press reports on a "leaf rage" incident in Stamford, Conn.:
Michael Peters, 67, became angry when city employees told him they would not remove leaves from his property, police said. He was arrested Monday after confronting town workers clearing leaves in his neighborhood.
Operations supervisor Robert Gerbert said Peters was a "raving maniac."
"He grabbed my jacket and said, 'You're not going anywhere,' " Gerbert said. "The guy was spitting and swearing--it was the most disgusting scene I've ever seen." . . .
Frank Fedeli, supervisor of the Citizens' Service Center, said Peters called the center after his arrest to complain that his leaves had still not been picked up.
"That's chutzpah," Fedeli said.
"I went berserk. I got very angry," Peters acknowledges. "After 34 years, things build up. I am a taxpayer. . . . All I am trying to do is get a service that's being offered to all of my neighbors." If he doesn't, he may just pick up and leave. |
