Different answers at different times, I think, Cobe.
I would say that at first I thought I had lost everything-- any sort of faith. Threw out baby, bathwater, bathtub, towels and the toilet for good measure.
(Well, actually at FIRST, I went through this weird period of not believing and then asking forgiveness for not believing.
The habits of a strict Catholic upbringing die hard.)
It was like taking off training wheels. I was very wobbly pedalling along without it. I was embarrassed too. Most of my friends are believers. I was singing in a church choir, I was directing the summer Bible school production, my children were named Christian and Adam.
It took me a long time-- in fact, I think it was really here at SI when I was exposed in the early days to Mq and Freddy and X that I started separating the trappings from the little nugget at the core of it all.
Now something in me accepts the possibility of an enormous force, or principle, something so huge and incomprehensible, as Carranza said, its existence might be too easily discounted given our paltry minds and senses.
But I don't think I could say I believe in God. I can't follow the exchange of Freddy and Mq- never could- but I did get the bit about semantics. With no definition or understanding, what do you believe IN? |
