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Pastimes : The Short Story Laboratory
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To: ManyMoose who wrote (74)12/11/2004 8:06:21 AM
From: Clappy   of 83
 
You are a really good writer!

That was excellent.

I'm hoping this was just an introductory chapter
of a larger story.

As a reader I would have loved more in-flight
battle detail.

I almost wanted to hear the bullets ripping
through the tin and to smell the oily smoke.
I invested time in getting to know each character
and why they earned their nicknames but it seems
as if before I got to see them in full action,
they were jumping from the plane.

Tiny didn't get a chance to display his shooting
skills.

I would be really interested in what each guy was
thinking during the long float down over the enemy
while dangling in their parachute. What was the view
like?

But then this seems like a good way to make the
reader want to turn the page into the next chapters.
You set up some information and questions that the
reader wants to find the answers to.

Very well done.

I look forward to more of this story.

-PrivateClapper
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