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Good afternoon class, I am your substitute teacher, John Westertout.
I hope your drunk driver did not speed on the way over here, because if he/she did, and got into an accident, your injury or death resulting from their, or anyone else's reckless actions would be your fault!
All Gentiles must sit in the back of the classroom, since they are dumber than the Jews, and therefore deserve less attention.
Today you will learn how to publicize a commercial web site with minimum expenditure of money, resources, and time.
Please pay particular attention to this most important point: truth does not matter.
Rights to privacy will, of course, be totally ignored, and will be trampled upon.
Goals:
1. To create excitement and attention. (Good or bad, it does not mater.)
2. To promote pure publicity in the guise of a service. (The service is irrelevant, the publicity most important.)
3. To ignore responsibility, facts, and truth. (Make outrageous false claims, promise to back them up, then stonewall, backpedal, lie, and avoid relevant issues at all times.)
4. To displace all conflicts, while always concentrating on points 1,2, and 3. (Expound on irrelevant racial theories, make ignorant and inflammatory comments on tragic current news items, etc.)
5. To associate and equate self with respected colleagues, even if totally inappropriate and unsuccessful. (Name drop at every opportunity.)
Plan:
A. Pretend to offer an "service." (Creates an alibi.)
B. Place a "bounty" on a "dangerous" individual. (Creates excitement, while simultaneously silencing timid critics and opposition, and casting us in the light of protector of the truth and the facts. Slogans such as "Don't tread on me" are extremely effective. Do not let the reality that truth does not matter to us distract you!)
C. Pause for effect. (Creates confusion, which leads to speculation, which leads to increased audiences, which leads to web hits.)
D. Make promises. (Creates further expectations, gains further audience, and again increases web hits.)
E. Never fulfill said promises. (Remember, we only need and want to publicize our commercial web site, with minimum expenditure of money, resources, and time, period! Do not get distracted!)
F. Advertise our web site at every subsequent opportunity. (Hinting there is additional relevant information available there is by far the preferred method.)
G. Ignore all demands that promises be kept. (Again, remember, we only need and want to publicize our commercial web site, with minimum expenditure of money, resources, and time, period! I repeat, do not get distracted!)
H. Instead of fulfilling promises, or answering outraged critics and opposition, wallow in unrelated minutia. (Keep your eye on the ball - remember those web hits!)
I. Once sufficient publicity of our commercial web site is achieved, with minimum expenditure of money, resources, and time, move on to greener pastures. (Don't forget to advertise our web site while exiting!)
That's all there is to it. Questions? |
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