Here's some of what we have to look forward to (or not):
Revenge of the studios
Bob Thompson
National Post
February 4, 2005
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In Hollywood they say this: When in doubt, do it again, or redo it, even overdo it. And they are doubting themselves in Hollywood these days. For the second year in a row, the box-office total dropped, this time to US$8.39-billion in 2004, well below the 2002 peak at US$9.27-billion.
Now, in the doldrums between the big holiday releases and Oscar night, movie studios are trying to recapture their mojo. The 2005 film year is about to begin in earnest, and that means sequels, rehashes, retreads, revisits and reminders of the way we were. Oh, and there's the end of the Star Wars era, although Vader's so vain he probably thinks the film is about him.
In short, the studios will do just about anything to get your hard-earned bucks. For example:
CONSTANTINE Did people go see The Matrix for Keanu or for the mumbo-jumbo metaphysics? Either way, this has both. Feb. 18
BE COOL As Chili Palmer learned in the movie biz, a sequel should have more, more, more. And so the Get Shorty follow-up gets The Rock, Andre 3000 and Uma Thurman. March 4
ROBOTS Ice Age creator Chris Wedge rested for a few years, but he's back with this cautionary comedy that asks the age-old question: Will Rodney Copperbottom be able to defeat Ratchet and Big Weld while wooing Cappy? March 11
THE WEATHER MAN Nicolas Cage is a Chicago TV meteorologist who finds a treasure map on the back of his blue screen. No, actually, it's on a lottery ticket. No, well, you'll just have to wait. April 1
SIN CITY Everything you always wanted to know about sex as displayed by director Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller. Also, Jessica Alba. April 1
SAHARA Master explorer Matthew McConaughey gets gritty in this desert adventure. April 8
KINGDOM COME The Crusades defined by slicker-is-better director Ridley Scott. And, yes, Liam Neeson plays Orlando Bloom's knightly father in this To Sir with Swords actioner. May 6
MONSTER-IN-LAW Jennifer Lopez (Ben Affleck's ex) and Michael Vartan (Jennifer Garner's ex) are a couple in this parlour comedy. Do ya think maybe Lopez and Vartan had an off-set revenge "date"? May
THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY The mind-boggling Brit novel-turned-radio-show is a sci-fi comedy answering the universal question: What does it all amount to? As fans already know, 42. May
THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELLING PANTS The what? Ask your tween and/or teen daughters. You will be taking them, or at least dropping them off. Spring
THE WEDDING CRASHERS Two cads (Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn) scam their way into receptions as a way to hustle women -- until one of them gets hustled right back. Spring
STAR WARS: EPISODE III -- REVENGE OF THE SITH Toronto's Hayden Christensen gets his Darth on as George Lucas finally reveals where Vader picked up the black-on-black helmet-and-cape ensemble. May 19
HERBIE: FULLY LOADED The Love Bug returns, this time to NASCAR. That's one demographic. Lindsay Lohan takes care of the other or both. Spring
THE LONGEST YARD Adam Sandler redefines the Burt Reynolds' sports-prison picture. Can Smokey Reloaded be far behind? May 27
MADAGASCAR Zoo animals get transported to a tropical island. OK, it's a cartoon Survivor send-up. Spring
HOUSE OF WAX Paris Hilton has a cameo in this horror film that also features wax-coated corpses. Coincidence? Spring
CINDERELLA MAN Against all odds, Depression-era boxer (Russell Crowe) tries to win. Against all odds, director Ron Howard tried to keep control of Crowe on the Toronto set. June 3
MR. AND MRS. SMITH A movie Jennifer Aniston won't see. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie play husband-and-wife killer spies who get his-and-hers contracts -- to eliminate each other. June 10
THE BAD NEWS BEARS A movie Angelina Jolie won't see. Walter Matthau's coach gets a Billy Bob Thornton make-over. June 10
BATMAN BEGINS No pressure, right? Christian Bale plays unstable Bruce Wayne transforming himself into the unstable vigilante crime-fighting Caped Crusader. Taking a hint from the failure of the later sequels, this reimagining goes darker than dark. June 17
FUN WITH DICK AND JANE Jim Carrey and Tea Leoni play middle-class losers by day and middling crooks at night in this updated 1970s comedy. June 24
WAR OF THE WORLDS It's the big bang theory. Tom Cruise and Steven Spielberg try to top the Orson Welles theatre-of-the-mind radio play, based on the H. G. Wells book, with visually stunning computerized effects and Cruise's remarkable ability to look good running. June 29
FANTASTIC FOUR It's the superpower gang of four, the Marvel Comics staple hoping to make an X-Men-like transition into motion pictures. Combination of comic book fans and Jessica Alba fans could prove explosive. July 1
BEWITCHED Nicole Kidman does the Samantha thing. Will Ferrell does Darrin. And for even better casting, how about Shirley MacLaine as Endora? And poof! There she is. July 8
DUKES OF HAZZARD Daisy Duke. Jessica Simpson. Cut-offs. They need no introduction. Summer
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY Easily, the film nerd's most anticipated blockbuster: Johnny Depp and Tim Burton try to conjure up what author Roald Dahl imagined in his wonderfully warped book. But will the snozzberries really taste like snozzberries? Doubters of the duo's deeds should refer to Edward Scissorhands. July 15
THE HONEYMOONERS If Jackie Gleason were alive today, would he be Cedric the Entertainer? Discuss. July 15
THE PINK PANTHER Steve Martin tries to out-pratfall the dearly departed Peter Sellers. Let's hope, at least, the song remains the same. July 22
THE ISLAND A sci-fi yarn about clones gets the Michael Bay treatment. With Ewan McGregor, Scarlett Johansson and Steve Buscemi for comedy clone relief. And, hopefully, no animal crackers. July 22
ELIZABETHTOWN Orlando Bloom plays a guy on a downer after his dad dies. If anybody can make this work, writer-director Cameron Crowe can. July 29
STEALTH Top Gun for the 21st century. Minus the Kenny Loggins songs, we're hoping. July 29
AEON FLUX Sci-fi MTV style, like so 400 years from now. With cultures clashing. Then it's like, totally whatever and Charlize Theron, and blah-blah-blah-dot-com. September
A SCANNER DARKLY Richard Linklater's animated live-action drama features Keanu Reeves, the original animated live-action movie star. Sept. 16
THE LEGEND OF ZORRO The Z-master, Antonio Banderas, is back. So is Catherine Zeta-Jones. Together they look fabulous. Sept. 23
SYRIANA George Clooney and Matt Damon get involved in black-market oil in this multi-story thriller with a global theme. Fall
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger play cowboys in love. Director Ang Lee investigates what spurs them on. Fall
FLIGHTPLAN Jodie Foster loses her daughter on an international flight. While searching, she denies she's in the Twilight Zone. Fall
GEORGE ROMERO'S LAND OF THE DEAD A zombie sequel to 1968's Night of the Living Dead. But don't open that ... aaahhh! Oct. 21
CHICKEN LITTLE It's the first post-Pixar cartoon for Disney. The sky-is-falling theme is strictly a coincidence. Nov. 4
WALK THE LINE Wait a minute, Joaquin Phoenix as Johnny Cash. Wait a minute, Reese Witherspoon as wife June Carter. Keep a close watch on this biopic of theirs. Nov. 18
THE NEW WORLD Colin Farrell is John Smith -- not an adulterous husband checking into a motel, but the 17th-century Virginian colonist who dated Pocahontas. Their dates are defined by the acclaimed Terrence Malick. November
HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE Dragons on display and Voldemort revealed (Ralph Fiennes). Harry's adventure continues with even flashier results. Nov. 18
THE BROTHERS GRIMM Matt Damon and Heath Ledger play the fairy-tale-writing German brothers who get caught up in post-modern winking. Nov. 23
MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA Based on the 1997 best-seller, the film is a pre-Second World War love story with lots of angst from director Rob Marshall of Oscar-winning Chicago fame. December
KING KONG Gollum goes ape. As in actor Andy Serkis, the Gollum guy from The Lord of the Rings film series. He's Kong, Naomi Watts is the beauty in peril and director Peter Jackson hopes he can swing this gargantuan tale. Dec. 14
RUMOR HAS IT Jennifer Aniston stars. Honest. December
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