FBI Broadens Crack Down!
Unconfirmed sources report that the FBI will broaden its War on Satire, called operation Cockroach, to include all anti-Bush Groups. Thousands of FBI agents have joined the hundreds of thousands of state and local police already active in the crack down. The FBI plans to focus its energy on violent and dangerous anti-Bush groups such as, the First Amendment Society, ACLU and The Democratic Party.
"We have got to get serious about all this anti-Bush activity" said FBI Director Robert Mueller. "Here you got thousands maybe millions of people thinking they can say and think things against the President, and that just isn't right. We've had great success in cracking down on the satirists in the past, but that just hasn't done the job. Sure we scared a few people and got a few nuts deported, but we needed to start acting on a much bigger scale. Not that stamping out satire isn't important, we just needed to adjust our focus and intimidate a lot more people."
(Editors Note: Dear reader, please forgive us for the following intrusion of your reading pleasure we would like to give a special thank you to the FBI analysts who will be reading this.----------- Democratic convention, fire bomb, republican convention, anthrax, president Bush, decapitation, dirty bomb, election, this is how to make an explosive, John Ashcroft is a fink, Osama Bin Ladin, Dick Cheney, fertilizer, Allah is Great, Capitol Building.---Have we gotten your attention junior FBI(NSA) analyst? How is Carnivore II working anyway? Did the terms above trigger your little threat algorithm. I should hope so; we are paying you guys good money to keep up on this stuff. At any rate, now that you are here I would like to take a little time to thank you for the fine job you guys are doing. Thanks. Now I know you are just some low level analyst (do you guys use interns for this type of stuff), but I would like you to pass this up the chain if you could. I have to say that I think what your bosses are doing, the whole intimidating anti-Bush protesters thing, is very dangerous for our democracy. I know you are only doing your job, but don't you have better things to do? Like get the anthrax guy maybe. I know college age kids and democratic activists can be a pain in the ass, but truthfully do you really think these people are a bigger threat then say North Korea? Well thanks. If you would send that message up the chain I would appreciate it. Thanks again-------(Dear readers, sorry for the above intrusion. We now return you to the story.)
Long time FBI watcher, Amadou Diallo agreed with director Mueller. "Its true the FBI has been too focused on that satirists. There are so many dangerous anti-Bush groups that need to be looked at its really hard to know where to start. I think the FBI has struck a good balance. It is important to go after the big threats like the Democratic Party and Moveon.org, but it is equally important to go after the little guys. To really chill public anti-Bush speech you need to have everybody thinking 'If they picked up so and so why not me. I better cool it.' Cracking down on the little fish and making sure the media picks it up is very important to the FBI's anti-dissention policies."
The Pew Research Center for the People and the Press has studied the issue of dissent in America and has made some alarming discoveries. Ben Lyon who authored the report gave a summery. "It amazing really. The amount of political descent in America has reached epidemic proportions. Over 50% of the population is displaying symptoms of dissention, which is a 22% increase in the last year. It worries me. I'm glad the FBI is working on the issue."
FBI and other law enforcement officials will be very active in swing states, so if you live in one, ice down a few drinks and be prepared for a 'friendly' visit.
unconfirmedsources.com |
