Jesus, Dahmer, Manson, Hitler and Buddha will put on a little skit for the Thread. The setting is Heaven, near St. Peter's gate.
Jeffrey is in a big hammock. Cosmic force, the new arrival, sees him there on the other side of St. Peters gate.
Jeffrey Dahmer: "(Big stretch!) Ahhhhhhhh, I so love Jesus!"
cosmic force: "Uh, why are YOU here? What about the people you killed?"
JD: "It doesn't matter. Jesus forgives me now that I've accepted Him into my life."
CF: "But many of those people suffered for days or weeks while you drilled holes in their heads. You never suffered. Well, maybe while you were beaten to death in prison. That probably hurt a bit."
JD: "That was bad, I guess, but what I really hated was being caught. That sucked. I love Jesus now. Boy, am I happy or what!"
CF:: "The families are still suffering from the image of their loved ones suffering with you pouring acid into the holes you drilled into their heads!"
JD: "Well, all is forgiven now, right Jesus?"
Jesus strolls up to the gate:
Jesus Christ: "Well, Jeff, I'm a little bit disappointed that you think you'd do it again if I put you back on Earth."
JD: "Jesus, my Lord, but thanks for forgiving me anyway."
CF: "Jesus, sir, are you really okay with the fact that he still wants to drill holes and fill them with acid?"
JC: "Umm, not really. Wait a second, cosmic, I'm talking to Dahmer here."
CF: "Okay, sir, it can wait..."
JD: "Yes, Lord?"
JC: "It's come to my attention that you were asking for drill bits and acid. I thought we came to an agreement."
JD: "But, Lord, I've accepted you as my Savior."
JC: "I know, Jeff, but what about the sex fantasies I've been hearing about? The angels union is really mad. Last week three of them woke up with holes in their heads. We talked about that, didn't we?"
JD: "Well, yes, Lord. I can't stop. I like killing and I really, really, really want a sex slave. But I LOVE YOU!!"
CF: "Sir, Mr. Jesus, are you hearing this?"
JC: "Just a minute, darn it, cosmic! Dahmer, this has got to stop!"
JD: "But, Lord...."
JC: "Now!"
JD: "But I like to think about it. It's the highlight of my day reflecting on those deeds. Then I remember I love you!"
CF:: "Jesus, sir, unless you get this guy out of here, I'm kicking myself out of Heaven. This guy just doesn’t care - he's abusing the good work you have done."
JC: "cosmic, now be reasonable. Dahmer said he was a sinner."
CF:: "I just can sit around watching Dahmer sipping margaritas with Manson. It's nauseating. He keeps telling Manson all the details about his ghastly crimes and he laughs about it. It’s very disturbing. He and Manson are always over by the bridge chuckling and pointing at you. But at the end of every sentence they both keep winking at each other and saying, but I LOVE JESUS!!"
JC: "I see your point."
Buddha is out for a stroll. He happens upon cosmic force and Jesus at the gate.
Buddha: "Hey, Jesus! What's up?"
JC: "Oh, cosmic force here is complaining about Dahmer and Manson. I think he wants in..."
Buddha: "Oh. Hey, cosmic."
CF:: "Hi, Buddha. I'm not too sure about going to Heaven considering the company the Savior is keeping... How's it hanging? "
Buddha: "Not too bad. Trying to keep from being suckered into the illusory nature of reality."
CF:: "Tell me about it. I'm trying to get his Lordship here to wise up to those two a-holes over there. There are a lot of people abusing his Loving Grace."
JC: "It's a problem."
Buddha: "I gave up on the forgiveness thing. I require demonstrated acts of penitence. Or it’s down the rungs of the ladder to a lower life form."
Adolph Hitler is slogging away over at the Wheel of Life trying to bring up the Karma balance from 0. A big gauge labeled "Karmometer" registers 0.0000000000000001.
AH: "Buddha, can I stop now? It's been 50 years!"
Buddha: "No, Adolph, keep repenting."
AH: "But, I want to stop..."
Buddha: "How many people did you kill?"
AH: "Uh, six million."
Buddha: "That's what I thought! Keep repenting."
AH: "HEY! Jesus, help me out here."
JC: "Adolph, can we talk about this later?"
AH: "But, you promised!"
JC: "Okay, get over there with Dahmer and Manson."
Buddha: "Jesus!! Not again!"
JD: "Hey, Adolph, do you have any drill bits?"
AH: "No, but Manson does. He also has a big hunting knife."
Charles Manson: "Shut up Hitler, you trying to get me in trouble again."
JC: "Shut up all of you, you’re forgiven! Now, pipe down"
Buddha: "No they’re not. Not by the universe. They all are suffering from major karma problems!"
JC: "Well, I kind of have a rule, Buddha!"
Buddha: "It's a bad rule, Jesus."
JC: "I'm having my doubts about it myself, to be honest."
CF:: "Jesus, sir, can I go with Buddha?"
JC: "Yeah, sure. I've got to go over there and see what that Dahmer's doing. He has St. Peter in a headlock again and Hitler is holding the drill. Sheesh, Dahmer!"
JD: "Yes, Lord? I love you!"
JC: "Shut up Dahmer. Hitler, get rid the drill."
CM: "Hitler, hand me the drill."
JC: "No, Manson, leave the drill alone."
St. Peter: "Lord, can you give me a hand. Dahmer got the acid in the hole in my head again. I'm feeling kind of strange."
JC: "Oh, heck, Peter. Get over here you knucklehead."
SP: "Yes, Lord."
Buddha: "Well, Jesus, I can see you're busy but cosmic force and I gotta go."
JC: "Okay, see you two later."
Buddha: "Maybe when Dahmer, Hitler and Manson are gone huh?"
JC: "Okay. By now!"
Buddha and CF:: "Toodles! Enjoy!"
JC: "HEY! Dahmer! Dahmer! DAHMER!! Stop it!"
SP: “Owwww! My head!”
JD, CM, AH: “Ha, ha, ha!” |
