Holly, that post reminiscing about Swanson Mexican TV dinners in days gone by could easily have been written by Bill Bryson (the author I mentioned the other day). An excellent post, I must say.
To give you a flavor of the guy, here are some Bryson quotes:
My first rule of travel is never to go to a place that sounds like a medical condition and Critz is clearly an incurable disease involving flaking skin.
I don't have any ambition to make great literature. I'll do anything to keep my kids in Reeboks.
And before long there will be no more milk in bottles delivered to the doorstep or sleepy rural pubs, and the countryside will be mostly shopping centers and theme parks. Forgive me. I don't mean to get upset. But you are taking my world away from me, piece by little piece, and sometimes it just pisses me off. Sorry.
- from "The Lost Continent
To this day, I remain impressed by the ability of Britons of all ages and social backgrounds to get genuinely excited by the prospect of a hot beverage.
- from "Notes from a Small Island"
For a long time it puzzled me how something so expensive, so leading edge, could be so useless, and then it occurred to me that a computer is a stupid machine with the ability to do incredibly smart things, while computer programmers are smart people with the ability to do incredibly stupid things. They are, in short, a perfect match.
- Lost In Cyber Land
A snowmobile, I should perhaps explain, is a rocket ship designed by Satan to run on snow. It travels at speeds up to 70 miles an hour, which - call me chicken, I don't care - seems a trifle fleet on narrow, winding paths through boulder strewn woods... to cut a long story short the next thing I knew I was on the edge of the New Hampshire woods, wearing a snug, heavy helmet that robbed me of all my senses except terror, and sitting astride a sleek beastlike conveyance, its engine throbbing in anticipation of all the trees against which it might soon dash me.
- Fun In The Snow
I had a shower -- that is to say, water dribbled onto my head from a nozzle in the wall -- and afterwards went out to check out the town. I had a meal of gristle and baked whiffle ball at a place called, aptly, Chuck's. I didn't think it was possible to get a truly bad meal anywhere in the Midwest, but Chuck managed to provide it. It was the worst food I had ever had -- and remember, I've lived in England. It had all the attributes of chewing gum, except flavor. Even now when I burp I can taste it.
- The Lost Continent
Signs came and went: TEE PEE MINI MART, B-RITE FOOD STORE, BETTY'S BEAUTY Box, SAV-A-LOT FOOD CENTER, PINCKNEYVILLE COON CLUB, BALD KNOB TRAILER COURT, DAIRY DELITE, ALL U CAN EAT. In between these shrines to dyslexia and free enterprise there were clearings on the hillsides where farmhouses stood. [...]
- The Lost Continent
I could live here, I thought. But then the waitress came over and said, "Yew honestly a breast menu, honey?" and I realized that it was out of the question. I couldn't understand a word these people said to me. She might as well have addressed me in Dutch. It took many moments and much gesturing with a knife and fork to establish that what she had said to me was "Do you want to see a breakfast menu, honey?"
- The Lost Continent |
