Wish we could have been there! ~ (the Scotsman's take) Laura raises a laugh with tales of boring Mr Bush
RICHARD LUSCOMBE
THE First Lady of the United States has revealed herself to be a "Desperate Housewife", frustrated by President George Bush’s early bedtimes.
The president’s nocturnal habits came under scrutiny in a lively after-dinner comedy routine in Washington that showed the vibrant and humorous side of Laura Bush’s usually meek demeanour.
She also joked about a visit to a male strip show, the president’s attempts to milk a horse and her mother-in-law’s likeness to fictional Mafia boss Don Corleone in a barnstorming performance that had an audience of celebrities and White House journalists on its feet.
To applause from the likes of Richard Gere, Jane Fonda, Elle Macpherson and Venus and Serena Williams, Mrs Bush grabbed the microphone from her husband as he attempted to revive a dull joke about cattle-ranch fences which fell flat when he first told it to farmers in Montana last month.
"Not that old joke, not again," Mrs Bush said. "I’ve been attending these dinners for years and just quietly sitting there. Well, I’ve got a few things I want to say for a change."
Mr Bush feigned surprise as his wife launched into her teasing routine at the 91st annual White House Correspondents’ Association dinner, also attended by Dick Cheney, the vice-president, and his wife, nine Cabinet members and two supreme court judges.
"I am married to the president of the United States and here is our typical evening. Nine o’clock, Mister Excitement here is sound asleep, and I am watching Desperate Housewives with [the vice-president’s wife] Lynne Cheney," Mrs Bush said.
"Ladies and gentleman, I am a desperate housewife. If those women on that show think they’re desperate, they ought to be with George. He always says that he’s delighted to come to these press dinners. Baloney. He’s usually in bed by now.
"I’m not kidding. I said to him the other day, ‘George, if you really want to end tyranny in this world, you’re going to have to stay up later’."
Observers saw a serious side to Mrs Bush’s performance. The White House is keen to cash in on her 80 per cent popularity rating while the president’s languishes below 50 per cent.
She also poked fun at the president’s apparent ineptitude as a rancher, and said he knew little about outdoor life when they bought their home in Crawford, Texas.
"I’m proud of George. He’s learned a lot about ranching since that first year, when he tried to milk the horse. What’s worse, it was a male horse."
Mrs Bush added that the president often spends time clearing brush and cutting trails: "George’s answer to any problem at the ranch is to cut it down with a chainsaw. Which I think is why he and Cheney and [the defence secretary] Donald Rumsfeld get along so well."
In a risqué monologue, she went on to describe a visit to a male strip show with Mrs Cheney, the Secretary of State and a presidential aide.
"One night after George went to bed, Lynne Cheney, Condi Rice, Karen Hughes and I went to Chippendales," she said.
"I wouldn’t even mention it, except [the supreme court justices] Ruth Ginsberg and Sandra Day O’Connor saw us there. I won’t tell you what happened, but Lynne’s Secret Service code-name is now Dollar Bill."
The family matriarch Barbara Bush also came in for some ribbing. "People often wonder what my mother-in-law is like. They think she’s a sweet, grandmotherly Aunt Bee type. She’s actually more like Don Corleone," Mrs Bush said.
Last year, she said Barbara Bush once warned her never to criticise her husband’s speeches, a rule she broke once as they drove home from a function. "We were driving into our driveway and he said, ‘Tell me the truth. How was my speech?’ And I said, ‘Well, it wasn’t that good’. And with that George drove into the garage wall."
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