Canadianism - You have two cows, eh. Vous avez deux vaches.
Common Sense Revolutionism - You have two cows. The provincial government reduces the cow tax, and you buy another cow. Then the provincial government deals with its reduced tax revenue by downloading costs on the regional municipality, which raises property taxes. You sell one of your cows to pay the higher property tax. The cattle dealers keep voting Tory.
Optimism - You will have three cows.
Pessimism - You have two cows. They will both die.
Indian Affairs - The government takes an Indian band's land and gives it two cows in exchange. The calves must be sent to residential school, where they are sexually abused and end up unable to produce milk. Anyway, there's not enough land on the reserve to graze cows. White dairy farmers burn down the cow barns on the reserve to protest favoritism towards natives. The government sends in the Cattle Guard to stop native dairy farming out of season.
Democracy - You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk. You vote to decide how.
Ontarioism - You have two cows. The Ontario Milk Marketing Board says you may sell the milk from only one. You blame the French.
Quebecism - You may have two cows, as long as the anglophone one is smaller than the francophone one.
Criticism - You mass produce genetically modified cows, establish a local monopoly, and sell low-quality, possibly adulterated milk at inflated prices, all the while doing horrendous damage to the environment. Your bank account grows fatter and fatter. When people complain, you hire a team of lawyers and pay for advertisements saying how great you are.
Pacificism - You have two cows. They stampede you.
Vegetarianism - You have two cows. You don't kill them, you don't eat their corpses. You live longer. So do your cows.
Separatism - You have a confederation of two cows. The cows have different ideological and economic needs. Before the healthier cow can control the weaker cow, the weaker cow secedes from the confederation of cows. After disagreement both cows try to turn each other into mince-meat. You now have two weaker traumatized cows with less contrast between ideologies.
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