“Dear Terrorists:
We are so sorry that we have caused you to feel bad about us Christians, Jews, and Americans for past injustices. We apologize for our using our expertise in moving into the 21st century, leaving you to fend for yourself in the 16th century where your women are treated like property instead of human beings and you lack the education to escape poverty. We should have had you progress with us through time.
We also apologize for our government which wants to spy on your sleeper cells here in America without giving you any advance warning. The idea that our FBI agents may not tip you off before searching your house thus not giving you a chance to have deleted your computer disks or to have rid your home of your bomb-making materials before they get there is an anathema to us. But since it is a part and parcel of the Patriot Act, for now, we cannot stop it.
You will be happy to know, though, that we have scared the majority of Americans into worrying about what FBI agents may find you are studying in our libraries. Librarians are so concerned about your freedom to read about bomb-making, flying planes only after they are in the air, or even about how subways are constructed that that part of the Patriot Act may be muted for your convenience. At least we know that most libraries are on your side of confidentiality! We don’t think that what you type on a library computer will be recorded for our government to peruse.
We are also doing our best to keep our police officers more concerned about accidentally shooting a minority person than stopping terror. We have stopped all racial profiling even though we know that almost all bombers seem to be Middle Easterners with fraudulent passports or outdated visas. It is better that our police take the time to check Swedish and Norwegian blondes, and grandmothers in wheelchairs, than assume that all bombers of the future may be young Moslems. So what if this delays the prevention of terrorism? We must treat both the innocent and the criminal fairly and equally.
If the London police had failed to stop that suspect from escaping from them and he had blown himself up on the train killing everyone around him, at least we would have known then that he was guilty and London police did their almost best to stop him. It is always better to lose fifty innocent people to terrorism than to lose one innocent suspect to a police bullet!
Again, terrorists, we Liberals apologize for your mean treatment by our Conservatives. Please remember that we and our media friends helped gain Vietnam peace and we are also helping you to get back Iraq and to allow you your own choice of tribal government in the Middle East. So if you do take over this country, please be nice to your friends here. It will be very easy to tell who we are, by the way, as we will be the ones without any guns.
Sincerely, "The Liberals of America Front Organizations.” |
