It's ok for a mother to be furious about the death of a son even if the son was doing what he wanted. If I was the mother of a suicide bomber, I would be furious that my son threw away his life like that, even if it was for a "cause" he believed in. If my son immolated himself on the steps of the capitol for a cause I would feel the same way. We don't have to stop having an opinion about what our children do just because they happen to kill themselves doing it.
If my son or daughter believed in a war that I did not believe in, and got themselves killed, I would feel completely comfortable saying so (and being just as mad at the waste as I would be in the two examples above)- and continuing to work against the agency or situation that got them killed would seem only logical, if I felt the agency causing the war, or the situation of the war, was wrong.
When we talk about doing something "for" our children, we don't necessarily mean doing what they want us to do. My kids would like to live on sugar, but if I let them I would not be setting a good example for them. Even when they are adults, I expect to disagree with them occasionally, and should they die while we are disagreeing, I don't expect to then agree with them, just because they are dead, nor would I think I needed to stifle my own opinion about things because they were dead. My babies will always be my babies, and my opinion about them will necessarily be my opinion about them, and what I do for them will always be what I think is best for them, but it will not necessarily be what they would want me to think is best. That is the way of motherhood, and being a parent in general, I think. We owe our children no more than our very best efforts to care for them, and for the world they live in. If we do that, no matter what we end up saying, we are doing the best job a parent can do. I'm am quite comfortable thinking that Casey's mom is doing exactly that. I'm also sure mothers on the other side of the issue are also doing that. The only time the two camps really disgust me, is when they get down in the mud to personally insult each other. That's never for the best, as it's a bad example, and it ruins the civility of our society. |
