A little satire is good for the soul:
Markets Soar on Latest Disaster
By Ima Bull
Claptrap News Services
New York (CNS) - Stock markets soared today as Hurricane Katrina battered the U.S. south. "We need more disasters like this one," said a smiling Joe Battipaglia, market analyst for P.O.S. Financial.
"Anytime you can destroy some cities and countryside somewhere in this wonderful country, you'll see some strong bullish action in the markets," added Battipaglia.
Several other Wall Street analysts and strategists agreed with Battipaglia's assessment. "This is even better for the markets than that London bombing," beamed Ned Riley, of Tech Permabull Services. "Hell, just think of the quadruple-digit gains we could see if there were only a huge earthquake in California," Riley added.
"And don't forget a Tsunami to follow the quake," chuckled Abby Joseph Cohen, chief strategist at Ghastly, Monotone and Bull.
"That would give us Dow 36,000," she predicted.
Meanwhile, at CNBC, Laurence Kudlow sent out a press release, announcing that "I peed my pants today because I am just so damn excited and proud to be a bull here at the greatest TV station covering the greatest markets in the greatest city in the greatest country in the world."
Bill Fleckenstein could not be reached for comment. Ben Bernanke quipped: "the higher oil prices are more a reflection of strong demand that is the result of extremely healthy growth occuring within our strong economy than it is a reflection of inflation or problems in the supply chain, and the devastation caused by Hurricane Katrina will provide so many new jobs that I simply cannot contain my exuberance!" |
