This article is based on a piece written in 1993 by Lewis Napper,
a self-described amateur philosopher from Mississippi who ran
for a U.S. Senate seat in 2000 as a Libertarian.
"We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone
get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt
free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great- grandchildren, hereby
try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines
for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal
bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of
people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill
of NON-Rights."
BILL OF NON-RIGHTS
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any
other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but
no one is guaranteeing any of these temporal things.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is
based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You
may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but
the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be. Learn to live with it.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a
screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool
manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy
because of your choice of actions.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans
are the most charitable people to be found and will gladly help anyone in
need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after
generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the
creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be
nice, but from the looks of the free public housing, we're just not interested in
providing free, unlimited public health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If
you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if
the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you
rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be
surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where
you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to
have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you
to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training
laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means
that you have the right to PURSUE happiness which, by the way, is a lot
easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created
by those of who are confused by the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you
came from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came
from! (lastly....)
ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or
heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet,
you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith
at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of
our heritage and history and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!!!! |
