Best of the Web Today - October 21, 2005
By JAMES TARANTO
T Time
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In Praise of Fake Menstrual Blood
One of the oddest, and saddest, stories on the World Wide Web over the past few years has been the transformation of Andrew Sullivan. In the immediate aftermath of Sept. 11, he emerged as an eloquent supporter of America's war against Islamist terrorists; although we had disagreed with him about various domestic matters pre-9/11, we offered him "three cheers" in a Sept. 17, 2001, item. Perhaps he was a bit overenthusiastically militant at times, but that is a sin of which this column has probably not been totally innocent either.
Sometime in the past two years, though, Sullivan turned into a fervent supporter of the "rights" of terrorists. His blog now consists largely of post after post bewailing the "torture" and "abuse" of the enemy. There are some important issues here, but Sullivan ignores crucial distinctions, treating Guantanamo as if it were the same as Abu Ghraib, illegal combatants as if they were legitimate prisoners of war. He even went so far as to endorse Sen. Dick Durbin's outrageous comparison of American servicemen to Nazis.
It's all too self-righteous, over the top and voluminous to engage seriously, but one particular Sullivan fixation strikes us as telling. See if you can spot the recurring theme in these passages:
o "It is perfectly conceivable, given the torture policies promoted and permitted by this president, that desecration of the Koran has taken place in Guantanamo. Many other insane and inhumane interrogation tactics have turned out to be true. Remember smearing fake menstrual blood?"--May 14
o "A simple question: after U.S. interrogators have tortured over two dozen detainees to death, after they have wrapped one in an Israeli flag, after they have smeared naked detainees with fake menstrual blood, after they have told one detainee to '[obscenity] Allah,' after they have ordered detainees to pray to Allah in order to kick them from behind in the head, is it completely beyond credibility that they would also have desecrated the Koran?"--May 16
o "Does [White House press secretary Scott] McClellan really want the press to report more widely on what has been going on at Guantanamo Bay? Does he really want more stories about forced nakedness, female interrogators using panties and fake menstrual blood, and many reports from former inmates about deliberate misuse of the Koran? Well, let it rip, I say."--May 17
o "Does Glenn [Reynolds] really believe for a second that idiotic tactics like brandishing fake menstrual blood or Stars of David at Muslim inmates are good interrogation practices? Does he think these excrescences have helped gain any useful intelligence in any way? The problem with these abuses is that they are evil and stupid; immoral and counter-productive, as so many experts in interrogation will testify."--May 18
o "I'm not playing dumb. Shining shoes is not the same thing as treating prisoners as animals. It's not the same thing as smearing them with fake menstrual blood."--June 21
o "Israeli interrogators do not kick the Koran or pee on it or throw it to the ground. They learn it word for word. They quote it back to their prisoners. They win their confidence and infiltrate their networks. They gain good intelligence by eschewing the goon-like antics of the Gitmo clowns. Fake menstrual blood? If it weren't so disgusting, it would be risible. But it's true. Remember that, whatever the Tarantos of this world want to deflect the conversation to. It's true. It happened. In the end, reality will count."--June 22
o "From smearing inmates with fake menstrual blood, to desecrating the Koran, to forcing one Abu Ghraib prisoner to drink alcohol and eat pork, to burning Muslim corpses facing West . . . we now have a litany of abuses that are objectively evil and almost designed to lose us support among the broad Muslim population."--Oct. 20 (ellipsis in original)
This list is by no means comprehensive, but you get the idea. The "fake menstrual blood" is apparently a reference to a reported incident, recounted in this Associated Press story from January, in which a female interrogator was questioning a Saudi detainee who had taken flight lessons in Arizona before 9/11:
The interrogator left the room to ask a Muslim linguist how she could break the prisoner's reliance on God. The linguist told her to tell the detainee that she was menstruating, touch him, then make sure to turn off the water in his cell so he couldn't wash.
Islam forbids physical contact with women other than a man's wife or family, and with any menstruating women, who are considered unclean.
"The concept was to make the detainee feel that after talking to her he was unclean and was unable to go before his God in prayer and gain strength," says the draft, stamped "Secret."
The interrogator used ink from a red pen to fool the detainee.
So the "fake menstrual blood" that Sullivan describes as "insane," "inhumane," "evil," "immoral" and "disgusting" turns out to be . . . red ink! And not even metaphorical red ink (i.e., debt, also forbidden in Islam), but actual red ink! Sullivan's frenzied reaction seems completely out of place--and it also leads us to think that the use of "fake menstrual blood" may be an effective interrogation technique, just as the Muslim linguist told the female interrogator it would be.
Note how when Sullivan (or most anyone else) writes about this, it's always "fake menstrual blood," never just "fake blood." Lots of people are squeamish about blood, but the suggestion here is that there is something sordid about menstruation.
This is nonsense. A woman's reproductive cycle is natural and normal. Girls realize this within hours of hitting puberty, but it takes longer for boys to figure out. To a preteen male, the news that women have periods is unsettling. But boys eventually become men, and most of them have intimate relationships with women, which helps to demystify the female reproductive system. To a mature man, menstruation is not a horror.
There are, however, exceptions--adult men who remain strangers to the female body. Among them are homosexual men who identify as gay at a young age and thus do not have heterosexual experiences. Also among them are single men from sexually repressed cultures, such as fundamentalist Islamic ones, in which contact between the sexes is rigidly policed. Many of America's enemy prisoners fall into the latter category. If the mere idea of "fake menstrual blood" discombobulates Andrew Sullivan so, it stands to reason that its actual employment might be an excellent way to break the enemy's resistance.
Searchlight's Dim Bulb
The Las Vegas Sun reports on the Democrats' newest slogan:
It doesn't have the cachet of Ronald Reagan's "It's Morning in America," and probably will never go down in the history books next to "A chicken in every pot" as one of the more memorable campaign slogans.
But if Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid has anything to say about it, the phrase "America Can Do Better" will become a familiar part of the Democratic message in next year's elections.
The Nevada Democrat has been routinely dropping the slogan into speeches and interviews, and his communications staff has used it liberally in press releases, even slapping it into the subject lines of e-mails sent to reporters.
Hmm, let's try this out. "Democrats: America Can Do Better." That Harry Reid is a political genius, we tell you!
A Gal's Entitled to Change Her Mind
Harriet Miers won't have any more meetings with senators, this morning's Washington Times reports:
Miers--whose courtesy calls with senators in their Capitol Hill offices have been more chaotic than courteous--has finished the tour, the White House has told congressional aides.
Miss Miers will spend the next two weeks cramming for her Supreme Court confirmation hearings, Republican Senate staffers working on the nomination told The Washington Times yesterday.
The meetings have been fraught with misunderstandings and disagreements, giving ammunition to detractors, both liberal and conservative, that Miss Miers is in over her head.
No one is walking out of these meetings thinking they've just met with a star," a Republican Judiciary staffer said yesterday.
But on the Web late this morning, the Washington Post reports the reverse:
Miers will continue meeting with senators next week, the White House said Friday, despite calls from some conservatives who said the courtesy visits aren't helping and she should focus instead on preparing for her confirmation hearing.
"She's done about 25 visits so far, and she's got about a dozen next week," White House spokesman Jim Dyke said Friday. "We get advice on a regular basis from outside groups. It doesn't mean it's going to happen."
The latest unimpressive attempt to drum up support for Miers comes from the JusticeMiers.com Web site, which has a six-question quiz designed to make Miers look good, or at least unbad, when compared with other justices. "Which Supreme Court nominee had prior judicial experience?" asks the first question: Harriet Miers, John Marshall, Byron White, William Rehnquist or none of the above? (It's NOTA, natch.)
For something a little more challenging, "Law in a Flash Flashcards: Constitutional Law" for $27.95. If you're hoping to be nominated in the event that Miers doesn't get through, you may as well start boning up now.
We Imitate the L.A. Times
"If Harriet E. Miers were a soft drink, she would be New Coke: a carefully marketed product that no one is buying. The Bush administration deserves most of the blame for this clumsy campaign, but part of the problem is the confirmation process itself."--editorial, Los Angeles Times, Oct. 20
"The Miers debacle is beginning to remind us of New Coke--a product introduced in an effort to expand market share, which instead infuriated loyal customers. If Bush wants to 'save his presidency,' the way to do so is clear: withdraw the Miers nomination and reintroduce Court Classic."--Best of the Web Today, Oct. 20
We didn't actually steal the idea from the L.A. Times, but we thought they deserved a hat tip for beating us to it.
The Old Testament Imitates Us
" 'Miers . . . gave one-word answers to two-part questions, [Sen. Pat] Leahy said, adding that some senators were "insulted" by her answers.' Let this be a lesson: If you find yourself having to fill out one of these questionnaires, never begin an answer with 'Listen up, baldy!' "--Best of the Web Today, Oct. 20
"From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' they said. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths."--2 Kings 2:23-24
Joke and Dagger Dept.--III
On Wednesday and again yesterday we noted the penchant of New York's other senator for "dagger" metaphors. This raises the obvious question: Where did Chuck Schumer†pick up this odd linguistic tic? Here are some theories:
Robert Byrd. In an April New York Times profile, the former Klansman who is now the most senior U.S. senator bemoaned efforts to end judicial filibusters:
"How sad," Mr. Byrd declared, lowering his eyes and dragging out his words for dramatic effect, "will be the legacy of those senators who vote to assassinate freedom of speech in the Senate of the United States. What a blotch upon the escutcheon of the great basic liberty of the people. How sad."
And here, the senior senator from West Virginia grew silent for a moment before issuing his final warning: "And mark my words, people will know who wielded the dagger."
Nancy Pelosi. In 1998, the California congresswoman who would later become minority leader lectured Newt Gingrich about the Clinton impeachment:
You, Mr. Speaker, were charged with and admitted to lying under oath to the Ethics Committee about the conduct of your political affairs. How inconsistent, then, Mr. Speaker, for this same Republican majority to move to an impeachment inquiry of the president for lying about his personal life. Our Republican majority have said lying under oath is a dagger in the heart of the legal system. We all agree that lying is wrong. But why the double standard?
Al D'Amato. A 1999 New York magazine profile of the man Schumer defeated to win his Senate seat the previous year describes a botched attempt to get a date:
The movie-memorabilia auction at the W Hotel has been under way for only fifteen minutes, and Alfonse D'Amato has been here for less than two, but already the former senator is on the charm offensive. The target of the moment is a 30-ish brunette with exemplary cheekbones--"I'm a singer, but I also do public relations"--who happens to be standing on his right when a waiter swings by, carrying a tray of champagne. D'Amato grabs two glasses and hands her one. "Hi," he announces. "I'm Alfonso." The woman smiles, slightly baffled. He plows ahead, taking her hand and examining her ring, demanding to know whether it contains her birthstone (it does), blitzing her with personal questions. A roving photographer snaps their picture. The senator slings his arm around her waist for the occasion, then asks what she is doing tomorrow night. Flying to England, she says. "Aggghh!" he moans in his thick, Elmer Fudd patois, a hand clutched to his breast. "A dagger through my heart!"
Adolf Hitler. Before invading Czechoslovakia, the Nazi dictator described the Sudetenland as "a dagger pointed at the heart of Germany." Franklin D. Roosevelt used the same metaphor after Germany declared war on France: "On this tenth day of June, 1940, the hand that held the dagger has struck it into the back of its neighbor."
Probably Schumer isn't getting his metaphors from Nazis, though if he starts talking about the Dolchstosslegende, it'll be time to worry.
†A dagger of the mind, a false creation, proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain.
From Now On He'll Use a Dagger Instead
"Man Stops Carjacking With Hot Coffee"--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 20
He's Not Going to Bend!
"Rep. Tom DeLay turned himself Thursday in at the Harris County sheriff's bonding office, where he was photographed, fingerprinted and released on bond on state conspiracy and money laundering charges. . . . He had been expected to appear for booking in Bend County, but went to Houston instead. Under Texas law he could check in anywhere in the state."--Associated Press, Oct. 20
Boob Bait for Bubbas
"Hillary's Chest Gets Bigger as '08 Gets Closer"--headline, New York Observer, Oct. 24 issue
U.S. Annexes Mexican Resort
"Hurricane Wilma Roars Toward Cancun, Fla."--headline, Associated Press, Oct. 20
It Doesn't Get Harder-Hitting Than This
"Be Informed and Vote Your Conscience"--headline, editorial, Cincinnati Enquirer, Oct. 19
She's Lucky--Heart Attacks Don't Usually Improve People
"Shelley Winters Better After Heart Attack"--headline, United Press International, Oct. 20
Why Is His Color Relevant?
"Gray Man Arrested After Chase, Crash"--headline, Portland (Maine) Press Herald, Oct. 21
Bottom Story of the Day
"There's a new fad of students--mostly girls--wearing pajama bottoms to school, and so far administrators are not making a fuss about it."--Associated Press, Oct. 18
A Deadly Game
"Anheuser-Busch Cos. Inc. said it will quit marketing a drinking game called 'Bud Pong,' " the Associated Press reports;
The nation's biggest brewer rolled out "Bud Pong" in July, sending kits to beer wholesalers in 18 states. The bar game is played by bouncing ping pong balls into cups of liquid, with participants taking a drink if they lose a point.
Sounds like harmless fun, but the instructions urged players to drink a deadly chemical called dihydrogen monoxide, or DHMO, which can cause a variety of dangerous symptoms:
o Excessive sweating
o Excessive urination
o Bloated feeling
o Nausea
o Vomiting
o Electrolyte imbalance
o Hyponatremia (serum hypotonicity)
o Dangerously imbalanced levels of ECF and ICF in the blood
o Degeneration of sodium homeostasis
"It is irresponsible in itself to suggest that [DHMO] be used during a bar game, said Glynn Birch, national president of Mothers Against Drunk Driving," the AP reports.
Apparently, however, some people were using beer instead of DHMO. Which gives us an idea: Why doesn't Anheuser-Busch simply market it as a beer-drinking game? A-B is in the beer business anyway, so not only would it be safer, it might actually help move some product. Actually, the idea seems so obvious, we have to wonder why they haven't already thought of it. Maybe alcohol really does make you dumb. |
