Bush Will Not Seek Third Term
11/14/2005 - Shelby Trial
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Amid growing democrat criticism of his administration President Bush announced today that he would not seek a third term. Mr. Bush said, "Yep, those wily democrats have outfoxed me again. The brain trust of the democrat party got me all right. If I am nominated, I will not run. If I am elected I will not serve." Choking back tears, Mr. Bush was hurried out of camera range when he appeared to double up in laughter. Congressional democrats, eager to take down a sitting president during war, congratulated themselves on a well-fought smear campaign against Bush and what they felt would be a republican attempt to have him run again. "I hope this puts to rest once and for all that we know what we're doing", said Howard Dean, the certifiable chairman of the Democrat Party.
Although shaking uncontrollably and grinning to scare the beejeezus out of most onlookers, Dean said, "My next strategy to ensure a win in 2008 will be to get rid of the Democrat Party reputation for being soft. That's why I plan to take leading Democrat presidential candidates, like Hillary, Kerry, and Sharpton, on a harp seal clubbing expedition over the Xmas winter holidays. Personally, I'm just going to use my bare hands and strangle the little fur balls. I might even do a Ozzy Osbourne imitation and bite the head off one of those little suckers. If that doesn't 'Rock the MTV Vote' I don't know what will. Yeah baby, it's gonna be batter-up out there on the ice flows."
The Republican Party responded to Mr. Dean's remarks by stating that the $256.00 of campaign funds they have on hand should be more than enough for the 2008 presidential race. An unnamed Republican Party spokesperson said, "Who needs Karl Rove when we've got Howard Dean. What's more the democrats are paying his salary! Hell, we may fire Karl ourselves just save us his salary and then let the democrats claim another victory."
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