Had a good chuckle reading this and largely true ;) OH BTW i became Tory overnight LOL
Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. Theylived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coastand live on fish and lobster in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beerand the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented toget man to the
beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and togetherwere the catalyst for the division of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
Liberals and Conservatives. Other sub-groups tended to appear at times like
the NDP and the Greens but these were soon discovered as aberrations of
the Liberals and tended to die off prematurely.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,
so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to
be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's
how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
"the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off
the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The
rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the
invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of democratic
voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer
that the Conservatives provided.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white
wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well
done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal
injury lawyers, journalists, dreamers in Hollywoodand group therapists are
liberals.
Liberals invented the designated multicultural rule because it wasn’t
“fair" to have a Canadian cultural identity.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for
their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, athletes, soldiers, and generally anyone who
works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire
other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern" the producers and decide
what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened
than Canadians. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives
were coming to Canada. They crept in after the West was settled and created
a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal
may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding
it and assert that Conservatives are "scary" and have a "hidden agenda".A Conservative
will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history
that it will be forwarded immediately to other "true believers" in the supreme
righteousness of Conservative thought.
While it may be true that these facts are mildly distorted, I’ll bet you ended
up with a smile, unless of course you are from Ontario and always vote Liberal
which tends to keep Canada in a perpetual status of mediocrity. |
