Canadians Relieved of All Their Rights...
EVERYWHERE (SBP) -- Mere moments after the election was officially declared a Conservative minority, women, children, homosexuals, and all ethnic minorities in Canada suddenly found themselves without basic human rights. This confirms the Liberal Party's warnings of what was to come if the Conservatives were elected.
"Well shut my mouth!" exclaimed Rhonda Tornewatsky, a woman from Brantford, Ontario, who voted Conservative, "I can't believe I'm not allowed to vote anymore or own a home or...well, all the things I used to do freely. If I had only listened to the Liberals and the NDP, this would have never happened.
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to cook a meal for my man and act submissive. I don't know why I feel this way but something tells me I'd better do that from now until eternity."
As predicted by the Liberals and the NDP, everyone's rights in Canada have been stripped by the mere election of a Conservative government.
"I don't know where my basic human rights went but, there they go!" said George Vandimoss, a resident of Mortlach, Saskatchewan, "Who knew it would happen? And so quickly!"
"I honestly thought the Liberals and the NDP were using scare tactics," said female Conservative supporter Cathy Petters, who was speaking her mind for the very last time, "I'm as shocked as you are that their fear mongering was actually the truth."
However, there are upsides to the new political landscape in Canada.
"This is great!" exclaimed Bob Nevelle, a construction worker in Calgary, Alberta, "I was burdened with too many basic human rights and it was difficult keeping track of all of them. Thanks to the Conservatives being elected, I have much less to worry about and I can go about my business of simply nodding and obeying to whatever they say and do."
On a national level, it appears the Canada Elections Act has been repealed and replaced with the Overlord Act of 2006. The Overlord act stipulates that there is no need for elections anymore and that the governing Conservatives are now going to be ruling Canada "for life" and everyone is instructed to "obey". Nobody knows where it came from as it simply manifested from out of nowhere just as the Liberals and NDP had predicted.
"Sigh...the Liberals and NDP warned us this would happen," murmured Danielle McKillrod, another conservative voter, "I just didn't believe them and now there's no turning back. I guess I'm getting what I deserve.
"If it wasn't suddenly illegal, I would never doubt the Liberals and NDP again."
Prime Minister/Overlord Stephen Harper addressed the nation regarding all the "new and exciting" changes in store for Canada as part of his acceptance speech.
"I want to thank all of you for voting conservative and, therefore, surrendering all of your basic human rights," said Harper, "Though the changes may be challenging at first, you will not miss your basic human rights after a few weeks of not having them."
To his detractors, Harper was unsympathetic.
"Hey, the voters were warned by our opposition and the CBC. Now it's too late. I can't explain it, either, but all the citizen's rights are gone and we're going to be in power forever."
Concluded Harper: "That's the way the cookie crumbles. I don't make the rules, I just follow them. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause."
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