Women, Homosexuals Frantically leaving Canada...
TORONTO (SBP) -- With the newly elected Conservative government, terrified homosexuals and women around the country have been desperately packing up their belongings and getting the hell out of Canada for fear of reprisals from the new Canadian government for merely their gender and sexual orientation.
"This is exactly the worst case scenario we feared: a Conservative government." said Gay rights activist Roger Penball as he was frantically driving to the airport with a few hastily packed belongings, "I'm very, very afraid."
Continued Penball: "The worst part of this is that I can't conveniently move to the United States for a few years because they have an even worse problem down there. I have to move to Europe or any country that will accept me for who I am.
"This is the saddest day for the last shreds of Democracy in Canada."
Indeed, the evidence for such a reaction was confirmed during Conservative leader Stephen Harper's acceptance speech following the election results.
"I thank the Canadian people for their vote of confidence in us." said Harper through his tradmarked forced smile, "We hope we can serve you well in the coming years. God bless you and good night."
"Did you hear that?" Sobbed female Mona Steveldoff, "He said 'God bless'. That proves he hates us! Run for the hills!"
"We're all gonna be oppressed!" yelled another woman as she scrambled to catch the next plane out of Canada, "Ruuuuuunnnn!!!!"
With the exception of the anti-gay, misogynistic United States, countries around the world have offered to take in the now homeless women and homosexuals.
"Wow, normally our godless communist society openly frowns upon the homosexual lifestyle and loves to represses the rights of women," said Chinese president Hú Jintao, "But, considering what we've just witnessed with the Canadian election and the atrocity that has been inflicted upon this innocent minority and women, we will welcome these poor Canadian refugees with open arms."
Lobby groups around Canada do not know yet when Harper plans to unleash his scourge across Canada. But, they have petitioned Amnesty International to advise all homosexuals, women, and visible minorities to leave the country as soon as possible to escape the coming persecution.
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