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Politics : View from the Center and Left
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From: epicure3/17/2006 4:14:43 PM
  Read Replies (2) of 540775
 
Non-centrist humor, but I imagine some here will enjoy it. My favorite? The definition of "water". I wish it weren't quite so true, though. I'm quite annoyed at the moment that the congress has decided to override California's more stringent health protections because they interfere with interstate commerce. I guess keeping arsenic out of the water inferes with that too.

The world wide food industry- hoping to serve you more toxins, more slyly...

foodprocessing.com

So here's a definition for you:

Food /n./ Stealth toxic waste storage material

........

***NEW REPUBLICAN DEFINITIONS: ***

*alternative energy sources* /n/. New locations to drill for gas and oil.

*bankruptcy */n./ A punishable crime when committed by poor people but
not corporations

*class warfare */n./ Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.

*climate change */n/. The day when the blue states are swallowed by the
oceans.

*compassionate conservatism */n/. Poignant concern for the very wealthy.

*democracy */n/. So extensively exported that the domestic supply is
depleted.

*Fox News */fict./ Faux news. Also /n. /"Republican State Television"

*free markets */n/. Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense.

*God */n./Senior presidential adviser.

*growth */n/. 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich. . What
happens to the national debt when Republicans cut taxes on the rich.

*gun control * /n. /The index finger, usually on the right hand. No other definitions or usage.

*habeas corpus */n./Archaic. (Lat.) Legal term no longer in use (See Patriot Act).

*healthy forest */n./ No tree left behind.

*honesty */n/. Lies told in simple declarative sentences--e.g., "Freedom is on the march."

*House of Representatives */n./ Exclusive club; entry fee $1 million to $5 million.

*laziness */n./ When the poor are not working.

*leisure time */n/. When the wealthy are not working.

*liberal(s) */n./ Followers of the Anti-christ.

*neoconservatives */n./ Nerds with Napoleonic complexes.

*9/11 */n./ Tragedy used to justify any administrative policy. (see Terra, Terra, Terra)

*No Child Left Behind */riff. 1. v/. There are always jobs in the military.

*ownership society */n/. A civilization where 1 percent of the
population controls 90 percent of the wealth.

*Patriot Act */n./The pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.

*pro-life */adj./ Valuing human life until birth.

*Senate */n./ Exclusive club; entry fee $10 million to $30 million.

*simplifiy */v/. To cut the taxes of Republican donors.

*staying the course */interj. Slang/. Saying and doing the same stupid
thing over and over, regardless of the result.

*voter fraud */n/. A significant minority turnout.

*Wal-Mart */n./ The nation-state, future tense.

*water */n/. Arsenic storage device.
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