Ted K passes keys to his son
By Howie Carr
Boston Herald Columnist
Friday, May 5, 2006
Bad news for Patches Kennedy, good news for Cynthia McKinney.
At the risk of sounding like Jesse Jackson, do you think there’s a bit of a racial double standard at work here?
White congressman swerving around Capitol Hill at 2:45 a.m., with no lights on, smashes up his car, staggers around outside, claims he’s on his way to a “vote,” inquires if the cops know who he is, and . . . is given a lift home.
That’s how Patches Kennedy got treated. Then there’s Cynthia McKinney of Georgia, a black congresswoman who strides through a security gate, is chased by a Capitol cop, punches cop but doesn’t endanger anyone’s life and . . . is the target of a federal grand jury.
Poor Patches. For the second time in four years, he’s the poster boy for white privilege. Remember the old black lady he assaulted at LAX, a security guard making close to minimum wage? Didn’t she know who he was?
And for the umpteenth time in his life, Patches has made a pluperfect ass of himself while he was, well, what exactly?
The statement issued by Patches’ spokeswoman last night made the claim that alcohol was “not involved” in his late-night accident.
But was something else perhaps coursing through his bloodstream? After all, it was less than three weeks ago in Portsmouth, R.I., that he was T-boned as he tried to make a wild left turn into oncoming traffic.
Patches was in a hurry to get to a CVS drugstore, where, among other things, they sell many little bottles that have labels pasted on them that say “Do Not Operate Heavy Machinery” after ingesting.
And what “vote” was he headed for - a vote on whether to cancel last call and just keep the joint open all night long?
Talk about Kennedy deja vu - how many times have we all seen the headlines that were moving across the wires late yesterday?
First: “Kennedy involved in early morning accident.”
Which was followed, moments later, by the equally traditional, “Officers claim brass interfered in investigation of Kennedy accident.”
His father, Ted, was the runt of the litter, and Patches is the runt of the litter of the runt of the litter. And the martini olive doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Has Mothers Against Drunk Driving checked in yet to demand a full investigation of the alleged cover-up? Didn’t think so - no need to rush to judgment just because the Capitol Police union says its uniformed members were forbidden to perform field sobriety tests, and that the “collection of evidence” was not permitted.
So what if the cops say the kid gloves for the Boy Congressman “create the appearance of special favor for someone who is perceived to be privileged and powerful.”
Privileged? That’s for sure. Powerful? Not yet, thank goodness.
Just yesterday, Patches’ father, Sen. Ted Kennedy, was promoting a new book purportedly written by his dog, Splash.
From Splash to Crash.
The smoking gun here is the fact that Patches neglected to turn on his headlights. Guys like Patches always remember everything else, but they always forget the lights. Fortunately for Patches, the cops drove him home, which was quite sporting of them. They do that for everybody who gets into a wreck at 2:45 a.m.
So what happens to Patches next? I believe he’s one of the guardians of his mother, Joan. To paraphrase Juvenal, who will guard the guardians themselves?
I just have one final question for Patches’ guardian, his old man:
I know Dropkick’s is gone, Ted, but dammit, why can’t you get the kid a driver? Or at least let him use yours?
bostonherald.com |
