| | Found on both Yahoo and Stockhouse
June 7,2006, Mississauga
For Immediate Release
Vasogen Study Reveals Surprising and Unexpected Side Effects
Researchers at Vasogen Corp., a fledgling biotech firm from the outskirts of Toronto have revealed the results from their ten-year, placebo-controlled, double-blind study of the company's unique therapy.
Commenting on the results, corporate president, David Elsley said, "I think we have a unique window into the cascade of inflammatory reactions and Vasogen's role in the modulation of that little-known system. We are proud of our role in illuminating and modulating the potentially debilitating and sometimes lethal effects of atherosclerotic buildup, as well as up and down regulation of a host of cytokines, interleukins, necrosis factors and macrophages which interact in an almost miraculous kind of immunological dance to produce a previously unknown outcome."
After a decade-long study, researchers have conclusively proven a link between investing in Vasogen and a clear up-regulation of inflammatory cytokines, severe tumor necrosis factors, and macrophage munching factor (MMF). Anti-inflammatory factors have been minimized and hsCRP levels have never been higher among the selected group of VSGN investors, sometimes known among researchers as "The Faithful."
"I think we can now conclusively show a link between VSGN stock shock therapy (VSST) and heart attack, unanticipated stroke, transient ischemic attack (TIA), spousal lynching syndrome (SLS), unattributed liver failure, volatile blood pressure readings, EVRDDOs (Explosive Verbiage Resembling Daffy Duck Outbursts), Delusions of Princely Importance (DPI), and urinary incontinence (PEE)," said Elsley.
Elsley added, "By creating and engineering the most subtly frustrating and infuriating equity in since Laudanum/Poe Afghanistan Amontillado, Inc. (LPAA.BB), we have designed the widest ever study of the link between systemic medical trauma and the investment process. We can conclusively report that investments of this sort will abbreviate the average human lifespan by an average of three to fifteen years, depending on the previous investment history of the test subject."
Responding to expected criticism that the VSGN Stock Shock Therapy study (VSST) was potentially dangerous to subjects, Elsley replied, "We have served the cause of human understanding. Investors went into this with their eyes wide open to the risk. If they blow a gasket now, that says more about the subjects themselves than the study itself. After all, our placebo patients were invested in GE and all (100%) developed fatal hardening of the arteries from stasis as well as Investment Induced Coma (IIC) within 2 to 8 years. VSST investor patients may be dead or dying but they still seem quite confident."
Vasogen's remarkable study is expected to end this month with the release of data on actual therapy patients. But the medical community is much more interested in the lasting effects upon (and the ongoing behavior of) the so-called "faithful".
"Creating a link between systemic physical neuropathy and the investing process could be our greatest breakthrough," Elsley said. |
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