What you've all been waiting for... another installment of "News of the Weird".
LEAD STORIES
* Minneapolis firefighter Gerald Brown, 55, who was fired in 1995 for abuse of sick leave but who won a grievance hearing before a state arbitrator and was reinstated with 18 months' back pay, was scheduled to return to work on June 2. He called in sick.
Reminds me of another story....
The owner of a company calls all of his employees together for a meeting.
"I have some good news and some great news." he tells them. "First the good news - we've completed the installation of our automation systems, and they've tested out perfectly. Beginning tomorrow, we won't be needing any of you any longer.
"Now, the great news." he said. "We're going to make so much money with these new systems that we will be able to continue paying all of you indefinitely. All you have to do is come in each Wednesday and pick up your regular paycheck. Any questions?".
A hand goes up from the audience of smiling faces, and the owner points to him and says "Yes - you have a question?"
"Uh huh. I sure do. Do we have to come in every Wednesday?"
* In January 1995 alone, according to an April 1997 article in the New England Journal of Medicine, about 1,500 Cuban refugees housed at the U. S. Naval base at Guantanamo mutilated themselves severely in order to qualify for speedy entry to the mainland United States. (Four months later, President Clinton declared all refugees eligible for immigration.) Among the self-injuries of choice: injecting diesel fuel into the scrotum, applying molten plastic to create second- and third-degree burns, creating blood in the urine by urethral trauma, and severing the Achilles tendon.
I guess a simple hangnail wouldn't have gotten the job done.
COMPELLING EXPLANATIONS
* At a public South Carolina Board of Education meeting in May, board member Henry Jordan, 52, was arguing for the right of students to post the Ten Commandments in public schools when opponents told him it might offend those of other religions. According to a tape recording of the meeting obtained by the Columbia State newspaper, Jordan then said, "Screw the Buddhists, and kill the Muslims. Put that in the minutes." Explaining his comments a few days later, Jordan said, "Both of those religions aren't really religions. They're cults, if you define a cult as someone who worships someone other than Jesus Christ."
Sounds like he would be a good substitute for mayor of that town being discussed the other day. He'd fit right in.
* In May, Fairfax County (Va.) police Det. Michael D. Kerns denied charges that he stole items from the police property room, admitting only to "absent-mindedness." Police had found the following items, all seized from police investigations, in Kerns's home: five pairs of expensive sunglasses, a Sony radio, a Tie Fighter computer game, a laser pen/pointer system, a radar detector, 21 booklets of postage stamps, a Samsonite luggage cart, a framed poster of Marilyn Monroe, and more than a dozen other items.
I was just holding it for a friend..... but I don't know his name.
* Earl Zea, 34, of Johnstown, N. Y., removed his penis with pruning shears in May because, later telling the district attorney, a man was interested in him romantically, and he thought if he removed his organ, the man would leave him alone.
No comment.
QUESTIONABLE JUDGMENTS
* In February, a court ordered Lisa Stiller, 47 , of Las Vegas, Nev., to catch up with her $180-a-month child support payments for her three teenagers or go to jail. Stiller's attorney said she earns about $1,000 a month and cannot afford the payments, especially since her ex-husband Steven Scroggin earns about 13 times that much as an investment manager and was able to win custody of the kids largely on the ground that he could better provide for them.
Some key facts missing, I would guess. The story was probaly isusued by the Crockwell PR department
* Scott Favre, 30, of Kiln, Miss., brother of pro football quarterback Brett Favre, was returned to prison in May to serve his original 15-year sentence for felony DUI. The judge had sentenced him to only one year of house arrest (stay home except for work, church, or medical treatment), but on Memorial Day, Favre decided he really wanted to go fishing.
Unfortunately, he went fishing in the judge's pool.
* Ray David Talley, 31, was sentenced to six months in jail in Nashville, Tenn., in March for placing a 20-foot metal ladder on to two different tracks, intending for trains to hit it. CSX railroad police saw him do it, however, removed the ladder before a catastrophe could be created, and asked Talley what he was up to. Talley allegedly told them that he had stolen the ladder, found it unwieldy, and intended for a passing train to make two 10-foot ladders.
Undoubtedly for use at his oceanfront house in Nevada.
* In March, Patrick Wayne Manning II, 32, decided to be a conscientious citizen and report for jury duty in Tulsa, Okla. A routine records check, made of all jurors, turned up an outstanding 1987 murder charge against him, and he was whisked off to jail.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Copyright 1997 by Universal Press Syndicate. |
