To All:
Recently some of the less widely followed media have been reporting that Condi (Damn if I can spell her name) Rice and George W have been having an affair. Supposedly Barbara moved out of the White House because of this. Well, we at the Flame Thread have a tradition of determining the truth, we do not tolerate lies. So as such we are not the sort to idly sit by and see accusations thrown at our Chief Executive without investigating to to see what the truth is.
Accordingly I contacted the NSA (National Security Agency). The NSA has been getting a pretty free hand from Bush to investigate damn near everything about everyone. Particularly they are looking for terrorist activities, threats against the US, and people who are a danger to the country. It did not take them long to determine that a president who gets the country into a war on false pretenses, allows torture, and is alienating the entire world is a threat and danger to the country. So they placed a few bugs strategically to monitor him. Naturally information about American citizens is as well protected as one might expect from a government agency. You just can't freely access this stuff. I had to pay five bucks for this tape. Here is a transcript of the tape and I think it provides conclusive evidence of what is actually going on.
[Knocking sounds, followed by a door opening.]
Condi--George, Oh good you are here. I wanted to see you. I have been thinking about your problem. I thought maybe with a little time you might be ready to go.
W--I don't know Condi, the little Commander in Chief just hasn't been rising to the occasion lately. I hope you aren't too disappointed.
Condi--I have to say I am George. [Sighs] It is a disappointment.
W--Well, maybe if you are just feeling rambunctious, you could get with one of the Secret Service men.
Condi--George! You just don't get it! I am a black woman in the Republican party. No matter what I do I can never be president. If I can't be the president, I want to do the president. Besides we are already being accused.
W--Yes, Barbara moved out. Something good has come from all this.
Condi--How are your daughters taking it?
W--Doesn't seem to be bothering them. But then they are so whacked out on alcohol and drugs they barely know their names. Ahhhh....Those were the days.
Condi--OK, look you do have two daughters, this problem hasn't gone on forever. How did Barbara get you at attention?
W--She used to talk about war, that would get me going every time.
Condi--Well now....
W--It doesn't work now. Now that I have a war of my own, I am just depressed about it.
Condi--This is a side of you I didn't think existed. Is it the casualties?
W--Oh, Hell no! Why should I care about them? That is just personal responsibility. Anyone dumb enough to enlist with out a Daddy to cover for them if they go AWOL or desert when the fighting starts deserves to get greased.
Condi--OK...no surprises after all. What is it then?
W--Everyone is saying my Daddy did a great job, he had a war and ended it. They are pointing at me and blaming me for starting a bad war.
Condi--There is a certain logic there. But let's not dwell on it. Maybe if I try a little something. Why don't you drop... [Knock on the door]
Unknown Voice--Mr. President, the CEOs of Exxon and Halliburton are here to see you.
W--Tell them I will be with them in a little while.
Condi--Like Hell! Get out there now. What makes you think you can keep them waiting?
W--I am the Decider.
Condi--You decide to get out there now! You know who runs this place, get moving and don't forget to kneel!
[Sound of the door opening and shutting.]
Condi--What is a girl to do? I should have been in Clinton's cabinet.
I suppose I could tell him he is a far better president than his daddy. I just don't know if I could tell a lie that big. [Sighs] George could, but I just don't know if I can.
There you have it. Proof positive of George W's innocence.
He continues as an example to us all. |
