THIS JUST IN: (email from my sister in Texas)
WASHINGTON, DC -- President Bush appears to be losing support among a key
group of voters who had hitherto stood firmly with the president even as his
poll numbers among other groups fell dramatically.
A new Gallup poll shows that, for the first time, Bush's approval rating
has fallen below 50% among total fucking morons, and now stands at 44%. This
represents a dramatic drop compared to a poll taken just last December, when
62% of total fucking morons expressed support for the president and his
policies.
The current poll, conducted by phone with 1,409 total fucking morons
between June 4 and June 8, reveals that only 44% of those polled believe the
president is doing a good job, while 27% believe he is doing a poor job and
29% don't understand the question.
The December poll, conducted by phone with 1,530 total fucking morons,
showed 62% approved of the president, 7% disapproved and 31% didn't
understand the question.
Faltering approval ratings for the president among a group once thought
to be a reliable source of loyal support gives Republicans one more reason
to be nervous about the upcoming mid-term elections. "If we can't depend on
the support of total fucking morons," says Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), "then
we've got a big problem. They're a key factor in our electoral strategy, and
an important part of today's Republican coalition."
"We've taken the total fucking moron vote for granted," says Rep. Tom
Feeney (R-FL), "and now we're paying for it. We've let the Democrats control
the debate lately, and they've dragged discourse back into the realm of
complex, nuanced issues. So your average total fucking moron turns on his TV
and sees his Republican Congressman arguing about Constitutional law or the
complexities of state formation in the Middle East, and he tunes out. He
wants to hear comforting, pandering, flattering bromides and he doesn't want
to hear a logical argument more complex than what you'd find on a bumper
sticker."
For Feeney, the poll is a dire warning that Republicans can ignore only
at their peril. "This should send a signal that we have to regain control of
the debate if we want the support of our key constituencies in the coming
election and beyond. We need to bring public discourse back into the realm
of stupidity and vacuity. We should be talking about homosexual illegal
immigrants burning flags. We should be talking about the power of pride.
These are the issues that resonate with total fucking morons."
But some total fucking morons say it's too late. Bill Snarpel of Enid,
Oklahoma is a total fucking moron who voted for Bush in both 2000 and 2004.
But he says he won't be voting for Bush in 2008. "I don't like it that he
was going to sell our ports to the Arabs. If the Arabs own the ports then
that means they'll let all the Arabs in and then we'll all be riding camels
and wearing towels on our heads. I don't want my children singing the Star
Spangled Banner in Muslim."
Total fucking moron Kurt Meyer of Turlock, California also says his once
solid support for Bush has collapsed. "He invaded Iraq and all those
soldiers died, and for what? We destroyed all their WMDs, but now their new
president is making fun of us and saying he's going to build nuclear bombs
and that we can't stop him. Well, nuclear bombs are even worse than WMDs, so
what did we accomplish?"
Laura McDonald, a total fucking moron from Chandler, Arizona, says she
is disappointed that the president hasn't been a more forceful advocate of
Christian values. "This country was founded on Christian values," she says,
"but you'd never know it looking around and seeing all the Mexicans running
around. I thought Bush was going to bring Jesus back into the government.
Instead, Christians are being persecuted worse than ever before in history,
because all these Mexicans come here and tell Christians that we have to
respect their religious beliefs. So now it's illegal for children to pray
in school. Soon it will be illegal for them to speak English."
Not all Republican lawmakers are concerned about the poll. Sen. Lamar
Alexander (R-TN), for one, does not find it a cause for anxiety. While he
agrees that his party should not take total fucking morons for granted, they
"really don't have anywhere else to go. They're never
going to be able to understand someone like Al Gore or John Kerry or anybody
intelligent and articulate who wants to talk about substantive issues. Just
try having a conversation with one of them about global warming. They'll
say, 'Oh, but Rush says volcanoes consume more ozone than humans do.' I
mean, they're morons! Total fucking morons!"
"They've got nowhere else to go," Alexander reaffirms with a smile, "and
they always vote." |
