Dear Mr. Lalit Jain,
Thank you for your letter, and thank you for your consideration of Flying Pigs 'R Us as a possible portion of your hole portfolio. We have progressed far beyond the prototype stage, we are currently in full production, though somewhat backlogged due to a large order from a Mr. S. Spielberg, who is filming his magnum opus, Gone With The Propwash---The Story Of The Busang Gold.
Our market research indicates that you will be satisfactorily impressed with our Walsh D.002BXM model flying pig. Though a beta model, its properties are simple and easy for the novice pigflyer to master. It has only two significant design problems, public lasciviousness and the copious passing of paper. There are no work-arounds available for these faults at this time, but our staff is working on them, in fact we have achieved critical mass some time ago. Expect updates.
While this Walsh D.002BXM model appears at first glance to be overly bloated and too heavy to fly, it is in fact quite light, the secret is that it is filled with hot air, only the weights in its little booties give it the ability to land. Our engineers are currently designing an emergency system for relieving the air pressure, tentatively dubbed "$hareholderactivism 1.0", and based on fundamental "big stick" theory.
Performance testing indicates that the Walsh D.002BXM model can generate a thrust/drag ratio of $45mil/50ozAu, though periods of level flight have been sporadic and somewhat uncontrollable.
The most outstanding quality of the Walsh D.002BXM model is that it is always, incontestably, and completely innocent, no matter what.
We regret that we have at this time no available unit for your perusal, due to above-mentioned backlog. Should you wish to be put on our waiting list, please send a deposit of 200+ million ounces of whatever precious metal you find handy, along with postage and handling charges of $9.95 to;
#2200-609 Granville Street
Vancouver, B.C.
Z1P 4U
(604) 643-7300
Or you may visit our website for more information;
icsnet.com
Thank you for your consideration, Mr. Jain. We look forward to cashing your deposit.
Sincerely yours, Jimmy Jack Joe
CEO, Flying Pigs 'R Us
(a subsidiary of Desert Dirt Diversification Concepts)
(itself a subsidiary of Holy See Enterprises vatican.va )
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