Here are some more stories of Darwin Award Nominees....
LICENSE TO STEAL
Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine
by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their
pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the
machine, though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They
panicked and fled, leaving the chain still attached to the
machine, their bumper still attached to the chain, and their license
plate still attached to the bumper.
IN THE BAG
A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at
the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official
thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a
handicap was. The officer then asked the tourist to
demonstrate his swing. He did - backwards. A substantial
amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
MADE FOR TV
Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged
gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old
woman who wanted to have her husband shot. She was sentenced
to four years in jail.
TIT FOR TAT
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40, and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police department
that contained another picture - of handcuffs.
DO YOU ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS?
A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600
in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For
payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his
prison term back, plus eight more years.
YOU MEAN ME?
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When
his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
DEADHEADS
A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for
driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four
frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be
counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to
qualify.
THIS WOULD BE ME
The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook.
The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called,
"Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the
courtroom.
LEARN YOUR LESSON
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a
traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge
rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a
schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with
delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not
pass through a red light' five hundred times."
AHH, THAT'S BETTER!
A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too
far" in recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who
was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced
the sentence to 1,001 years.
OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the
window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not
himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole
individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put,"
the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the
defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany
it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his
lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it
on the bench, and walked out.
HEY, MR. ! DID YOU SEE OUR CAR?
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead
with him to let them take him home. He says no - he only lives a mile
away. About five blocks from the party the police pull him over for
weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as
he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking
place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal
to stay put, they will be right back - and they run down the street to
the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he
gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone
who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed
all day.
A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. X
lives there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she
replies that his is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The
police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she
asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the
garage and opens the door where they find: the police car, lights
still flashing.
This is allegedly a true story, told by the driver at his first AA
meeting, according to the newspaper account.
- Abhijit
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