You seem to talk a lot about sanity. This tells me that you doubt your own. Stop doing that. I don't doubt your sanity for a second. I know you are mostly crazy with occasional bouts of lucidity. Try to work away from the lucidity because that is what is depressing you, and enjoy your insanity. In addition to that, if you want to occasionally glimpse what reality is really like for thousands of driven, harried, desperate persons who lean heavily in the mythology of their society, and not on dreams, illusions, entertainment and substances, try laying off the whacky tabaccy, drink, and false friends for about one month. Take some tyrosine, enterically coated 5-htp, choline, inositol, lipase, magnesium, zinc, B6, B1, and sulf-andenosyl methionine. (SAMe). Relax and try deep breathing. Pretend to yourself that what other people think of you is completely unimportant. Be entirely self assertive, and don't wait for people's reactions but observe them carefully, while not reacting to them. Be neutral and non judgemental. Don't watch TV, and don't read books. When you start to imagine or dream, try doing something, as dreams and imaginings add stress to your mind. In short try to act like and office clerk looking for a pencil at all times. After about one month of this you can stop envying the sane and go back to being crazy. It is far more interesting, and befits more exactly the creative mind.
Don't do any busy work or try to do anything on any time schedule. Try to observe the exact nature of everything you see, what drives it, how it operates it. Avoid empathy as it leads to neurosis when it becomes corrupted by your paranoias, but use a removed ratiocinating analysis. Don't do anything specific at all. And what you do, do in a rhythm of a sort, as physical activities can penetrate the brain and become dream acting after a while, if you let it control your mind. But don't let anyone see you or they will call some sort of mental health police. There is a large eye which observes all your activities, which exists just behind your left shoulder. As a last act of independence reach up into the left hemisphere of your brain where your mother and father live, and turn the eye off. Shut the door and turn out the light.
No one who was completely sane ever did anything of consequence.
EC<:-} |
