For anyone who has traveled in Alaska will know how this rings true.
Anchorage Barbie:
This fit Barbie has a graduate degree in science, resources management,
and/or is an environmental lawyer. Comes with brand new Subaru with roof
rack holding skate skis and a kayak. Accessories include running tights,
cross-trainer shoes, a husky named Kobuk, and a cell phone.
Boyfriend Ken comes in seasonally employed climbing guide, fishing
guide, or Girdwood bartender models.
Sold at New Sagaya.
Wasilla Barbie:
This Barbie comes with big hair, country music CDs, a .44 Magnum and a
bible. Weekender Kit includes snow machine, 4-wheeler, and fishing boat.
Brand new duplex dream house and lake cabin are also available (sold
separately). Ken comes with a Ford F-350 Diesel pick-up truck with gun
rack and trailer, his own snow machine, 4-wheeler, boat, and .44 Magnum.
Ken is available every other two weeks when he is not working on the
Slope. Alternative Military Ken available by special order.
Sold at Wasilla Wal-Mart.
Fairbanks Barbie:
This graduate school Barbie kit includes a tiny cabin with detached
outhouse. This Barbie has hairy legs, hat hair, and a fleece
jacket covered with dog fur. Accessories include extra long johns,
shower bag, head lamp, case of Ramen noodles, and bug dope. Also
available is a beater, 1979 model Subaru, complete with plug-in, ice
scraper, shovel, and set of studded tires. Ken is either at the Marlin,
the Howling Dog, the Loon, out hunting, doing field work, or is long gone.
Sold at Big Rays.
Ketchikan Barbie:
K-town Barbie lives in an old leaky sailboat that is moored down in
Thomas Basin -- in a slip that is conveniently located just off the ramp
directly below the Potlatch Bar. For basic transport, she runs a beat up
old 18' skiff that has a rundown Johnson 30 hp outboard that leaks oil.
She can out fish most any old Norwegian bachelor fisherman; can cut down
old growth cedars faster than most any drunken old Swede logger; and can
shoot and skin black tail deer that foolishly wander down to beach at
sunset faster than any alcohol fueled Finn bushwhacker. Her Ken can be
found anytime, day or night, on the deck of the Alaskan Bar
pontificating -- often with wild, exaggerated arm waiving and finger
pointing -- as to exactly where the Bridge to Nowhere is going to land
over on Pennock Island.
Sold only at a kiosk on the cruise ship dock during June, July & August.
Sitka Barbie:
Sitka Barbie has most of the same endearments as K-town Barbie except
she recently shot her Ken in what is colloquially known as a Sitka
divorce. She took the life insurance money and purchased a brand new 26'
Hewescraft "Alaskan" with enclosed heated cabin and a 200 hp Honda
outboard.
Sold only at a kiosk on the cruise ship dock during June, July & August.
Barrow Barbie:
This Barbie comes with blonde hair with dark roots, kuspuk and parka.
Accessories include a 650cc Skidoo snow machine, tiny
ulu and baleen carving kit. Ken alternates between being a whaling
captain and working for the North Slope Borough.
Available at the northern most KFC store.
Juneau Barbie:
This Barbie comes with membership cards for the Alaska Democratic Party,
AFSME/AFL-CIO and SEACC, little red X-tra Tuff boots
and an un-used fishing outfit. She lives in tiny apartment above an
obscure bar and works as a secretary in the State Office Building .
Drives rusty Subaru Forester, but has peeled the "Forester" lettering
off because she feels that logging is evil. Ken claims to be a
fisherman, but actually he is also a secretary in the State Office
Building .
Available in gift shop at the Baranof.
Bethel Barbie:
This Barbie has a teensy little substance abuse problem, but she has
admitted that she has a problem and is working on it. Comes with
just two outfits, both from Value Village in Anchorage . She likes to
shop, but since this entails buying a ticket to Anchorage , it's not
much of an option any more. Comes with a house consisting of a cardboard
refrigerator box and 2 sleeping bags. Ken lives in the box next door.
Available on special order from Costco in Anchorage .
Ft. Yukon Barbie:
This Barbie comes with a Honda Big Red, a 24 foot boat with ancient
outboard that would better be kept in the Evinrude Museum , hip
boots, little marten trapper hat and snogo suit. She lives in a nice
little log house and goes to all the basketball games. A lot of her
groceries are flown in too, but she is outfitted with a selection of
knives and knows how to cut fish, skin a lynx AND pack moose. Ken is not
in town much. He claims to be on the trapline or at fish camp, but
someone saw him in Fairbanks. |
