Love Scorned! Pepper Spray! A BB Gun! Houston, We Have A Problem.
NYT BLOG
By John Tierney
Tags: astronauts, Mars, NASA, space
This cannot be a happy morning at the NASA press office.
It is always awkward answering questions when one of your employees is arrested. It becomes still more awkward when the employee is an astronaut. And it gets really, really awkward when, according to the AP, the employee is accused by police of driving from Houston to Orlando in diapers, arming herself with a BB gun and pepper spray, donning a wig and trench coat, and attempting to kidnap a woman she considered a rival for the affections of another employee — the pilot who flew the shuttle Discovery to the space station last December.
No, not an easy morning at the press office. But I hope, in between fending off questions about BB guns and the adequacy of NASA's pre-flight pychological screening, the press officers can look at the bright side: At least their phones are ringing. Miracle of miracles, people are talking about the space shuttle!
Scientists ritually bemoan all the money spent on astronauts at the expense of unmanned missions that are far more cost-efficient. But you need people in space to get people on Earth interested enough to pay the bills. On Friday NASA released a gorgeous picture of a methane cloud on Titan taken by an unmanned spacecraft. A few bloggers like me reprinted it, but how much water-cooler talk have you heard about it? All the methane on Titan can't compete with one jealous astronaut.
The only way to get the public to pay for a manned mission to Mars, I've argued is to turn it into a long-running reality TV show, with a cast of astronauts carefully chosen to maximize romance and ratings. I assumed this would have to be done privately, produced by the finest minds in Hollywood and Burbank, because NASA seemed incapable of putting anyone interesting in space. And indeed, when news of the arrest came out, a NASA spokesman said he couldn't recall any previous arrest of an astronaut.
But is it possible the agency has changed its policies? Has someone in the recruiting office finally recognized the potential of a love triangle in space? That's the angle I'd be spinning if I worked in NASA's press office. But just in case my advice gets rejected, I'd like to offer the beleaguered press officers a back-up P.R. option — with your help. How do you think NASA could spin this news? If you were getting pelted with questions about diapers and BB guns, what kind of statement would you issue?
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