From Bad to Verse in the Battle of Seattle
By Lisa de Moraes
Wednesday, May 23, 2007; C01
Once again the final night of "American Idol" competition pits a goofy, likable guy with a crowd-pleasing schtick and not so much of a voice against a pretty young woman with a big, gorgeous voice but not so much entertainment value.
No, not Taylor Hicks vs. Kat McPhee. That was last year. No, not Bo Bice vs. Carrie Underwood. That was two years ago.
This year's variation on the theme: Blake Lewis vs. Jordin Sparks. Here's a new twist. Both came out of the Seattle auditions -- you know, where Simon Cowell said there was no talent to be had. Also from Seattle, it turns out, are the creators of this year's Coronation Tune -- the one the winning Idolette will have to release as his or her first single. It's called "This Is My Now." And no, a nationwide competition does not produce a better coronation song. It's the most glutinous "American Idol" Coronation Tune yet:
There was a time
I packed my dreams away.
Living in a shell,
hiding from myself.
There was a time
when I was so afraid.
I thought I'd reached the end.
Baby that was then . . .
Gak.
For the final week, the show has moved to the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood.
Everyone is agog to see judge Paula Abdul, who last weekend broke her nose and a toe tripping over Tulip, her Chihuahua.
And to think she was this close to making it through a whole season of "American Idol" without an "incident."
Tulip is fine, Paula reports. She looks heavily made-up, especially under her nose. She also looks fractured on some painkiller, but you can't blame her.
Before the show started, Paula appears to have shared some of her Broken Nose and Toe Percocet with fellow judge Randy Jackson, which inspired him to conclude that what this show really needs to jump-start its moribund ratings is costumes. He has come dressed as Sgt. Pepper.
Simon, in honor of the occasion, has unbuttoned his trademark white dress shirt another notch.
Last night, each Idolette got to sing one song that they sang before in the competition, and one new song. And both had to take a crack at the coronation tune, like it or not.
Blake goes first with a repeat performance of Bon Jovi's "You Give Love a Bad Name." He has a nice sense of irony performing this song in his grandfather's pants and he's added a few more bells and whistles to his original beat-box '90s-fication of the tune. Randy gives him a perfect 10 on the beat-boxing, though the singing was just "a'ight." Paula, not to be outdone, gives Blake "10-plus-10-plus-10." Simon says Blake's not the best singer -- Jordin is -- but he's the better performer.
Jordin sings Christina Aguilera's "Fighter" for the first time in the competition. Randy, not to be outdone by Simon, says Jordin wasn't the best performer but is the best singer; he calls her voice "stellar."
Paula, not to be outdone by Randy, says Jordin was "stellar" and"awesome." Simon gives Round 1 to Blake.
Round 2: Blake returns to Maroon 5 for his new song, "She Will Be Loved," only this time he's taking no chances and is wearing both his grandfather's pants and argyle sweater.
He forgoes the beat-box gimmick, which Randy calls singing "naturally and pure."
Paula, who's beginning to look glassy-eyed, notices Blake was relaxed. Simon says it was a "safe" song that won't have much impact on viewers.
Jordin then re-sings "A Broken Wing" -- or rather she screams it because the backup band is really loud. Randy calls her the "most talented 17-year-old singer I've ever seen," because every week at least one person must bring up her age.
Paula says she looks adorable, adding, "You are in great, great vocal voice tonight."
"Now that was good," Simon chimes in.
During the break, local news reports that this year's big "get" for tonight's finale will be Britney Spears. Oh goody: lip-syncing and no panties?
Returning from the break, Blake takes the first whack at "This Is My Now." He can't do much with it because he's not much of a singer. Randy says he shouldn't feel bad, because it's not his kind of tune. This is still a singing competition, right?
Paula is by now incoherent.
Simon also notes that Blake looked frustrated -- actually he looked like a guy who hopes he doesn't win this competition and have to suffer the embarrassment of putting this tune out as his first single.
Jordin takes her whack at "This Is My Now." It sounds 18 percent better sung by Jordin; she even managed to get choked up at the final lyric: "This is my now."
Randy suddenly realizes this is "the best singing competition in the history of television," adding that Jordin was the best singer tonight.
Paula declares her an "angel." Simon says that last week he thought she wasn't good enough to make it to this week, but now he wants to declare publicly that he was wrong and she "wiped the floor with Blake."
Tonight: a shiny new Blake?
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