Yes, that's true -- evacuation to the Cayman Islands at the earliest sign of the disease is considered the optimum method of treatment for Fraudus Guiltius.
It has also been reported in the AMA Journal of Medicine that consuming a steady diet of at least $1,000 worth of fine foods per day accompanied by premier estate wines helps alleviate any occasional bouts of post-event anxiety in such patients, i.e. those not confined within a traditional custodial care situation.
The operation of luxury automobiles and recreational aircraft, along with frequent excursions on yachts bedecked with multiple topless nubiles is also considered part of a balanced therapy, provided that care is taken to avoid excessive exposure to UV or the territorial waters of any country party to extradition treaties. The occasional purchase and display of expensive jewelry and bling in general is additionally believed to have therapeutic value.
Numerous studies have also shown that anxiety symptoms in those patients suffering from Fraudus Guiltius will dissipate over time provided that the Cayman Island treatment is administered quickly before other symptoms can develop, e.g. redhandedness, which typically leads to frozen-bank-account-atosis and the early appearance of Mounties at the front door of the patient's condo.
It has also been determined that the frequency of anxiety symptom recurrence is inversely proportional to the dollar value of the funds stored in foreign jurisdictions. In fact, several cases have been reported in recent years where no post-event anxiety whatsoever was experienced by potential sufferers who were able to successfully self-medicate using the Cayman Islands treatment, and who therefore required no additional support.
These results contrast with the unhappier experiences reported in those patients who delayed treating their symptoms, as this group typically found the Cayman Island option suddenly unavailable to them, resulting in their unintended enrollment in the state-administered 25-to-life program. The 25-to-life program is a 'no frills' restorative treatment that succeeds in eliminating the patient's contact with the outside world but otherwise accomplishes very little, especially with respect to alleviating patient anxiety both real and imagined about being converted into a prison whore against their will.
On an epidemiological level, the appearance of Fraudus Guiltius appears to follow an approximate 10-year cycle within the Canadian mining population. Data suggests that the 10-year time frame represents the standard amount of time required to form a sufficiently large enough new group of unsuspecting investors not familiar with the previous outbreak. Those in the mining population at the time of each cycle high are therefore at extreme risk of infection from the new strain.
Note: for the effect on individual investors exposed to patients exhibiting Fraudus Guiltius, see Emptius Walletus |
