I was upstairs taking a shower, singing. And my wife yells up, "I think you better come down here, the World Trade Center has fallen down"
"What makes you think that?" asks I.
"The neighbor came over and said so, he said to turn on the TV"
"It is not April 1" says I and starts laughing. I continue with the shampoo, wondering why they would be playing tricks on me. Then I think I should maybe go have a look.
I go downstairs and the World Trade Center is on the BBC and smoke is pouring out. So I says, "Well look, maybe it is on fire, but it is still standing."
"Well, what about the other one?"
I take a look and kinda walk to the side trying to peer around the TV and I go , "There it is, I think it is right there just behind the one in front." "Are you sure about that." After some more peering and scratching my head, I come to the conclusion that well maybe it did fall down, can't be sure.
Then the BBC starting literally playing the same thing over and over repeating themselves every 15 minutes, with the same music, with some posh Iranian announcer with poofy lips.
Then my wife tells me there is a leak and water is coming down the dining room wall and I need to do something about it. Next thing I know I am crawling up in the attic and when I come down, the ladder falls over and I catch myself by the elbows and I can hear this big ripping sound in my chest while I am yelling "Help!". Then my wife is asking me "What is wrong with you, can't you even climb a little ladder?"
Well I tell her sure enough there is a leak in the attic. Shes says I need to fix it and after some discussion I go across the street to get some help from these people that are working on a house across the street, my wife thinks surely one of them is a plumber.
I go over there and this little guy has this hugh smile on his face, I mean hugh. I asks, "What are you so happy about?"
"Osama bin Laden is a hero in my country." "Who the h*ll is Osama bin Laden?" "He is a great man that defeated the Russians in Afghanistan." Now my head is swimming and I look at him, and don't look like no Afghani, those dudes are tall, so I asks him "You don look like no Afghani" "I am from Pakistan" Then I am wondering again, "Wait a minute, Pakistan is not friends with Afghanistan". "Oh yes, OBL is a great man in Pakistan" I had no idea who this OBL dude is, so I go back to the wife and tell her no dice. Well, then we call a plumber and he comes over and I tell him whats up and he fixes the leak and then tells me he is going to get his friends and they are going to beat the holy hell out of those dudes. He asks me which house is it. Now I am talking him out of it, saying lets wait a while and find out more. He is leaving and tells me if need to beat the crap out of anybody give him a call.
Then I a watching the same BS on the BBC over and over and over, they have no footage other than the buildings actually falling down so I get to see and hear the same thing ad infinitum.
Then I ask my wife where can I get CNN, I need to find out what is going on. She says I could try the Pub, the Spotted Dog, I believe it was. I had wanted to go down there anyways, I needed a pint.
So I go in there and they hear me and ask "Are you a Yank?" I think about telling them I a am Reb, but I say I am an American. Then this really old dude comes over and tells me: "You were late getting here." I am more befuddled then so I ask "Late for what?" "The war, if you had not been late, we would not have suffered so dearly" Now I am asking him what war is he talking about? I wasn't even borned then why blame me? He's telling me again I was late and it is all my fault. Now I am watching the CNN and trying to hear what they are saying, but it sounds clueless.
Then they are telling me I will just have to get used to it like they did. Used to what? asks I. Why bombs and terrists and such, like IRA bombing. Well, I tell them we are Americans and no way will we put up with such. They tell me not to worry I will get used to it.
The next day I get the papers where it says Armagedden and they have pictures of jumpers.
Some time passed and I decide to go downtown and I try several times to take the tube, but everytime I do, they come on the speaker and say the tube is shut down due to a terrist threat. Nobody seems to be concerned but me, but I am not taking the tube under those circumstances. Later, I find out a terrist threat is somebody throwing their mickeyD trash on the platform cause they don't allow trash cans in London anymore, that's where the terrists used to hide their bombs, so they got rid of the dustbins as they call them.
And it gets worse from there...... |
