Men are Emotional Camels!
by: Jasmeen Dugal
indolink.com
Many women find it hard to understand how their husbands can be satisfied with life as it is. Don´t they need more passion and more of a connection with their wife? The truth is that your hubby is not a cold fish; men are simply emotional camels. Just like a camel can go for a long time without water in the heat, so can men go without intimacy. It´s not that men don´t like feelings, it´s that they are willing to sacrifice the highs and lows for the steady, even-keeled experience of life. Most men hate being depressed. They want these feelings to go away as quickly as possible, so they can return to their flatline state. While some women also have this tendency, the majorities actually seem to enjoy the wide range of emotions and seem reluctant to get over anything too soon – joy, ecstasy, depression, etc. This can drive a man bonkers, especially since he has to deal with her when she´s not happy. He usually wants to help her get out of these negative states so she no longer is a problem to him! Her down times affects him, which threaten to destabilize his current flatline state.
While men can live without intimacy for quite a while, they usually can´t live without sex; yet for women, this is not enough. They need connection with another person, the shared intimacy that gives the sex meaning. Often guys don´t need the "heart" thing as much and as often, just the orgasms. Being an emotional men usually figure "If I don’t need it, why should she?" Knowing they "have to" give at least a little, they do, but only what they think is reasonable. And this is where the misunderstandings crop up. The same is true for romance. Most men are relatively unmoved by romantic gestures. It´s just not that exciting to them. So, they know they should put in more effort to be romantic because it´s something their woman wants, but that´s usually the only reason.
So, does this all this mean that men are dead emotionally? Not at all! As a matter fact, men are much more emotional than most would believe. But it´s different than it is for women. Men get emotional over different things, like sports. They do not lack emotion. It´s just that they require very little emotional fulfillment in their day to day lives, and can go for days without intimacy, romance, et al.
How does knowing and accepting this help women? First, it changes what things mean, such as his lack of enthusiasm for things she cares about, i.e. romance. It´s not that he´s bored with her, it´s that he is boring. His flatline state is intact and yet she feels something is missing. Her challenge is to learn how to be happy without expecting him to act, think, and feel like she wants him to. She may learn how to get him to make some adjustments, but his whole personality will not change overnight. |
