The Democratic Candidates Debate
Posted by Jonathan on October 30th, 2007 (All posts by Jonathan)
Somehow I found myself watching part of it. This is how it looked to me:
Hillary: I have always been against the war, and as soon as I am elected we will begin withdrawing our troops. Except for a few troops who may be needed to guard our embassy. Oh, and fight Al Qaeda. Not more than 150,000 troops, tops. And no more warmongering like what President Bush is always doing. Oh yeah, Iran had better not try anything funny. But if they do, it’ll be President Bush’s fault for not being nice to them. And as for those wascally Iwanians, I promise to promise to consider to do my very best. Maybe.
Obama: I am more against the war than you are. Did I say war? What war? Don’t let the neocons fool you with their fearmongering. Remember, the USA can only remain strong by ignoring threats. For us to recognize those threats would be like forfeiting a game of chicken, and we would lose our national manhood. And even though we have no enemies, I pledge to negotiate with them. Except Pakistan, which I would treat differently, though I’m not quite sure how.
Richardson: You wimps couldn’t negotiate your way out of a paper bag. I have more negotiating experience than all of you put together. I was at the UN. I negotiated with Saddam Hussein. I got an American freed from Abu Ghraib [BZZZZT AH-OO-GAH BUSH DIVE DIVE DIVE CHENEY HALLIBURTON AAIIIIIEEEEEEE]. I’ll negotiate with Iran. I’ll negotiate with the North Vietnamese, the Khmer Rouge, Idi Amin, the Mafia. . .
Biden: I have vast international experience. For example, I’ll bet none of you has ever plagiarized a speech from a non-US politician.
Dodd: I helped make Latin America safe for communism!
Kucinich: If elected, I will obey UN and EU commands, which supersede US presidential authority — and possibly even Martian authority, which I value more than any of you may realize. Also, I will visit Iran and convince the Iranians to give up nuclear power because it’s bad for the environment. If things go really well, maybe I can get them to give up smoking too. By the way, have you seen my wife? I may be a complete idiot but you have to admit I do OK with the ladies.
Edwards: The Great War, which was entirely George Bush’s fault and which wiped out a generation, was so awful that we must not let anything like it happen ever again. Republican plans for war against a peaceful Germany are a grave threat to world peace and must be stopped. I am prepared to meet Mr. Hitler without preconditions, so that we may negotiate a new treaty to outlaw war and preserve the peace.
(I think the candidates discussed other topics as well, but for some reason I didn’t watch the whole thing.)
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