RE: Ferris Baker Watts, by goldenpad1
Goldenpad plays Jeopardy,
"Hey Purl Gurl. Who is Ferris Baker Watts of Washington D.C."
I know this one! Ferris Baker Watts was very famous during our
American Revolution time period. Ferris, a diary farmer, always
thought there would be, someday, a use for cow snot. He ran
many experiments with collected gallons of cow snot but never
really came up with a good usage until... until he was cleaning
his trusty musket with a cleaning rod soaked with cow snot.
Ferris, a bit tipsy from drinking fire water provided by
some of my distant relatives, forgot his musket was charged,
primed and ready to fire, but no musket ball.
Admiring his favorite musket after cleaning, Ferris is aiming
his musket at his family's cabin door. About the time he pulls
his trigger, his wife, Rebecca of Donnybrook Farm, walks in.
His musket fires totally slobbering Rebecca with a face full
of cow snot. Quite the mess and she could not see for a long
time, not until he fetched her a rag to wipe her face.
An idea came to Ferris! The new American militia could use
cow snot in place of musket balls when short on ammo! A
blinded enemy is good as a dead enemy, beside there is also
the "gross out" factor of being slobbered with snot.
Off Ferris travels to Washington to tell General Washington
of his invention and bright idea! General Washington, over
tea aboard a ship in the Boston harbor, asks, "Ferris, could
you use cow snot with rockets?" Well, there you go! A coal
oil lamp lights up over Ferris' head!
Ferris returns home to Rebecca and promptly begins working
on adapting cow snot to rockets. A local Chinese man, fresh
from the far west, Los Angeles, California, I think, this
Chinese man helps Ferris with gun powder loads, tubing and
all that. The Chinese are great with fireworks.
Within a week, Ferris, Rebecca and the Chinese Man with a
hard to pronounce name, Cornfusion or similar, are delighted
by successful tests of snot loaded rockets.
Today, we know Ferris' famous invention as the,
"Boston Tea Party Snot Rocket."
Cool!
O, say can you see, by the snot rockets red glare....
However, one of his descendants did bring a bit of shame
to the Watts name. A boy named after Ferris runs a brokerage
firm over in Washington, D.C., which is recently busted
by the Feds for a serious stock manipulation scandal. My
understanding is this shameful descendant is sentenced to
ten years imprisonment at a dairy farm over in Idaho. His
sentence includes hard labor cleaning up cow snot from the
milking stalls and loading cow manure into methane digesters.
Just think, had my ancestors not given old Ferris fire water,
he never would have invented the Boston Tea Party Snot Rocket!
Purl Gurl
Choctaw Nation |
